


Miles, Bass and Jeremy Watch...

by Davechicken, Penumbris (Davechicken), Penumbris (Shadow_Side), Shadow_Side



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Ghostbusters (Movies), Masters of the Universe (1987), Revolution (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:04:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Penumbris, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Side/pseuds/Penumbris, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Side/pseuds/Shadow_Side
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate universe where Miles Matheson, Bass Monroe and Jeremy Baker watch movies together... and comment on the proceedings.</p><p>WARNINGS: Seriously crack fic. Seriously drunk. Seriously not serious. Seriously sorry. (Not.)</p><p>Additional Warnings: Bad language. Implied shipping of everything. Implied buttplugs. Rape of childhood movies. Tits. Bad spelling due to drunken muses. If you read this you probably need help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (He-Man) Masters of the Universe

**Jeremy:** Okay I am ready   
**Bass:** Miles get the alcohol ready   
**Jeremy:** Okay Generals here are the rules for the first Monroe-Matheson-Baker Hunger - er Drinking Games!   
**Miles:** Do not call it that   
**Bass:** Jeremy just post the fucking rules   
**Miles:** Seconded   
**Jeremy:** Rule #1. ... DUDES STOP INTERRUPTING ME   
**Jeremy:** Rule #1 Drink whenever there's a puppet   
**Jeremy:** Rule #2 Drink whenever you hear the haunting, beautiful melody of the cosmic key   
**Jeremy:** Rule #3 Drink whenever it's clear Dolph can't speak English   
**Jeremy:** Rule #4 Drink to obvious Star Wars references   
**Miles:** ...you might have to point those out   
**Jeremy:** Rule #5 Drink whenever there's sparkly magic   
**Jeremy:** Miles I will say DRINK and then you drink   
**Miles:** This once, I will let you off for that   
**Bass:** Rule #6 Drink whenever you think this list is too long   
**Bass:** Rule #7 Drink whenever you wish you were already drunk   
**Jeremy:** BASS. WE WOULD ALREADY BE WASTED   
**Bass:** That's the point   
**Miles:** Rule #8 Drink whenever you want to stop and fuck instead   
**Jeremy:** YOU SAID WE COULD DO DATE NIGHT   
**Bass:** I thought I'd be getting more action   
**Jeremy:** JUST LET ME FINISH THE RULES   
**Miles:** Bass we could TOTALLY make out whilst Jem isn't looking   
**Jeremy:** Rule #6 Drink whenever it gets totally kinky   
**Miles:** ...it gets WHAT now?   
**Bass:** Maybe we should do that now and let him carry --- JEM YOU MISSED OUT OUR RULES   
**Jeremy:** Those are not real rules   
**Jeremy:** And I can SEE YOU YOU ARE RIGHT THERE   
**Jeremy:** Rule #7 Make out whenever it gets totally kinky   
**Bass:** I think we should have rented a porno   
**Miles:** I think we did!   
**Bass:** Isn't this a children's movie?   
**Miles:** Oh fuck   
**Miles:** I want to die already   
**Miles:** Please kill me   
**Jeremy:** Rule #8 DOWN your drink when anyone yells I HAVE THE POWER   
**Bass:** YOU DID NOT GO THERE   
**Miles:** HE DID   
**Jeremy:** I WENT THERE   
**Miles:** HE WENT THERE   
**Jeremy:** RULE #9 DRINK TO 80s REFERENCES AND HAIR   
**Bass:** THIS IS FUCKING WORSE THAN CHURCH PLEASE STOP   
**Jeremy:** OKAY WE MIGHT ADD why do we keep going capslock geez... we can add more when we get going   
**Jeremy:** Can we start now please? Who has the remote?   
**Miles:** I like capslock   
**Miles:** Aha   
**Miles:** Now I HAVE THE POWER   
**Jeremy:** You... you went there   
**Miles:** Yep   
**Bass:** Okay Miles make it so   
**Jeremy:** I KNEW YOU WERE A GEEK BASS   
**Bass:** Shut up Jeremy   
**Miles:** Yes, there are titles   
**Bass:** These are ... oh now there's some bad artwork   
**Jeremy:** You have no soul   
**Miles:** Fuck what is that?   
**Jeremy:** It's Mount Greyskull   
**Bass:** It's a Rainbow   
**Bass:** In Space   
**Bass:** A Space Rainbow   
**Miles:** Jeremy, is this gay porn?   
**Bass:** We are watching Gay Porn   
**Jeremy:** SHUT UP   
**Jeremy:** ENJOY THE CREDITS AND THE MUSIC AND DRINK   
**Miles:** I AM DRINKING   
**Jeremy:** LOOK IT HAS TOM PARIS IN   
**Bass:** Is he a gay porn star   
**Jeremy:** DUDE NO HE IS FROM VOYAGER   
**Bass:** Is that one of the ships that went to America   
**Jeremy:** NO IT IS A SPACESHIP BASS, A SPACESHIP   
**Miles:** ...please kill me   
**Bass:** These names are made up   
**Bass:** No one will admit to being in it   
**Miles:** Would you?   
**Jeremy:** Drink to Tatooine   
**Jeremy:** And the Stormtroopers   
**Jeremy:** And the ripped off Imperial March   
**Miles:** See, I told you black cloaks are cool   
**Jeremy:** Cloaks are bad you end up dead   
**Bass:** Why is he banging on the floor   
**Jeremy:** It is dramatic   
**Miles:** It got kinky   
**Jeremy:** KINKY KNEELING   
**Bass:** WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH HIS FACE   
**Jeremy:** More kinky... and he's SKELETOR BASS   
**Bass:** Why is she wearing a chandelier   
**Miles:** Fuck knows   
**Jeremy:** She's magical   
**Miles:** Really? I couldn't tell   
**Jeremy:** Kinky....   
**Miles:** Oh it got kinky again   
**Bass:** This is fucking gay poetry now   
**Bass:** OH kinky again   
**Bass:** What the fuck   
**Bass:** Why is he   
**Miles:** WASTED ALREADY   
**Bass:** What   
**Bass:** Did he just call her Evil   
**Miles:** Yes   
**Miles:** I think he did   
**Jeremy:** Star Wars reference hologram   
**Bass:** He has a red cloak I thought... HOLY NIPPLES BATMAN   
**Miles:** FUCK ME what is with his CHEST?   
**Bass:** See Miles swords are always cool   
**Jeremy:** Ewok reference   
**Miles:** Yes, yes they are   
**Bass:** No way would that blow land   
**Miles:** ...OK seriously that is not how you swordfight   
**Bass:** That is really impractical to fight in   
**Jeremy:** Dudes it's fantasy   
**Bass:** HOW CAN A SWORD DEFLECT LIGHT BEAM SHIT   
**Miles:** Threesome   
**Bass:** Are they a couple   
**Bass:** The old guy is too old   
**Bass:** Oh fuck no   
**Miles:** Some people are into that   
**Jeremy:** Puppet   
**Bass:** Some people are into THAT   
**Jeremy:** BASS   
**Bass:** Why do they all have sticks   
**Miles:** Oh they're so noble   
**Bass:** Is it a reference to dicks   
**Miles:** Probably   
**Jeremy:** No it's period   
**Bass:** No they won't midget man   
**Bass:** Lock your doors or get raped   
**Miles:** Fuck, I need to be more drunk for this   
**Jeremy:** Bass don't threaten the puppet   
**Miles:** Is he going to eat them?   
**Miles:** Is it all a ploy?   
**Jeremy:** NO   
**Jeremy:** Also Yoda reference   
**Miles:** It looks like one!   
**Bass:** FUCK IT'S A GANG RAPE   
**Bass:** HE LOCKED THEM IN   
**Jeremy:** NO HE IS KEEPING RAPISTS OUT BASS   
**Bass:** HOLY FUCK THAT'S A BIG BUTT PLUG   
**Miles:** FUCK WHAT IS THAT?   
**Jeremy:** IT IS THE COSMIC KEY BASS   
**Bass:** Cosmic Ass Fucker   
**Miles:** ...oh that's haunting...   
**Bass:** Oh fuck   
**Bass:** Those prongs would hurt   
**Jeremy:** I need to be more drunk   
**Miles:** Then drink faster!   
**Bass:** I think we need more over here   
**Bass:** We puppets are a stupid race   
**Bass:** Plot holes and annoying   
**Bass:** She had big boobs   
**Bass:** Oh it's evil woman again   
**Jeremy:** Miles more booze   
**Miles:** I think she is cheating on him with the skeleton man   
**Bass:** The fuck is a gravitonic thing   
**Jeremy:** Science Bass   
**Bass:** In the secret passage.... to NARNIA   
**Bass:** He's ugly   
**Miles:** Really ugly   
**Jeremy:** Bad guys normally are   
**Bass:** He Man is pretty ugly too   
**Miles:** Chandelier woman!   
**Miles:** Go save her!   
**Miles:** She might know what the plot is!   
**Bass:** Don't they have like   
**Bass:** Burglar alarms   
**Miles:** Why doesn't this place have GUARDS?   
**Bass:** And guards   
**Bass:** SEE   
**Jeremy:** Because it is his impenetrable fortress   
**Miles:** *snigger*   
**Jeremy:** Sounds like more plot points   
**Miles:** Haunting melodies again!   
**Bass:** He has to rape you with his swirly stick   
**Miles:** ...wait, is that a sex thing too?   
**Miles:** GUARDS!   
**Miles:** Finally   
**Bass:** OH LOOK BAD GUYS   
**Miles:** These people are amateurs   
**Bass:** AND TITS MCGEE   
**Miles:** And the skeleton man!   
**Bass:** That is not how you take your impenetrable fortress back   
**Bass:** ...rape   
**Miles:** They have thing   
**Bass:** His face is too static   
**Bass:** I bet he can't give head   
**Jeremy:** No because he makes HE MAN kneel   
**Miles:** I don't even want to think about that   
**Bass:** Jeremy no wonder.... HOLY SHIT   
**Miles:** ...oh dear   
**Bass:** SKELETON MAN HE JUST PROPOSED   
**Miles:** That's fucking messed up   
**Bass:** HE HAS A BUTT PLUG TOO   
**Miles:** I don't think he means that   
**Bass:** I love how the blasts are colour coded   
**Miles:** I think he means BRING HIM TO ME FOR KINKY STUFF   
**Jeremy:** Haunting melodies   
**Miles:** HAUNTING MELODIES   
**Bass:** LSD TRIP   
**Miles:** It might help   
**Bass:** Oh look it's a 'hole'   
**Miles:** ARGH   
**Miles:** Chandelier lady!   
**Jeremy:** It's always moonrise   
**Jeremy:** It's always full moon   
**Jeremy:** Who wants to guess where they end up   
**Bass:** Frisco   
**Miles:** Oh now they made him mad   
**Miles:** Texas?   
**Bass:** Gay Pride Parade   
**Bass:** They would fit in   
**Bass:** Jeremy are you trying to be unsubtle about my rule   
**Jeremy:** NO   
**Jeremy:** Look... Nipples   
**Bass:** I'd rather not   
**Miles:** No, no just let him drown   
**Miles:** He'll slow you down   
**Bass:** He knows science   
**Bass:** Oh look it's your brother, Miles   
**Jeremy:** Buuuuuuurn   
**Miles:** SHUT UP   
**Miles:** MY BROTHER IS NOT A HAIRY MIDGET   
**Miles:** Does he speak English?   
**Miles:** FOURSOME   
**Bass:** I am seeing resemblances   
**Jeremy:** STOP MAKING THEM SEX   
**Miles:** Ooops   
**Miles:** They lost it   
**Miles:** That is not a standard field signal nipple-man   
**Bass:** Stop getting out of cover   
**Bass:** I don't care if you have a tricorder   
**Bass:** DO NOT BE FOOLED   
**Bass:** COWS ARE DANGEROUS   
**Miles:** THEY BITE   
**Bass:** SOMEONE GET HE MAN SOME TROUSERS   
**Miles:** Yes please   
**Miles:** He is disturbing   
**Bass:** Oh look it's Faber   
**Miles:** THREESOME   
**Bass:** Cow/Puppet OTP   
**Miles:** Oh fuck no   
**Bass:** They have the same colour... fur   
**Bass:** Wait is that   
**Jeremy:** Yes from Friends   
**Miles:** ...wasn't she in..?   
**Bass:** No I meant is that a nice fast food joint   
**Jeremy:** 80s hair   
**Bass:** I am feeling uncomfortable   
**Jeremy:** See look it's Tom Paris   
**Miles:** We could make out whilst Jeremy isn't looking   
**Bass:** Are they even legal   
**Bass:** Okay sounds good to me   
**Miles:** I hope so   
**Bass:** DUDE   
**Bass:** WAY   
**Bass:** TO KILL   
**Bass:** THE MOOD   
**Miles:** ...tell me about it   
**Jeremy:** She has a tragic past, Bass   
**Miles:** Evidently   
**Miles:** Fuck   
**Miles:** Now I need more alcohol   
**Bass:** Dude if your own colleague sneaks up on you   
**Bass:** You suck   
**Miles:** Oh, wait, he's her DAD?   
**Bass:** 30 days is stupid   
**Jeremy:** ...yea   
**Miles:** Ew   
**Bass:** Ewwww   
**Miles:** EW   
**Bass:** EWW   
**Bass:** MAYBE EVEN TO YOUR MOM   
**Miles:** LURKER   
**Miles:** EW   
**Miles:** PUPPET   
**Bass:** THE FUCK   
**Bass:** THAT'S NOT FOR DRINKING PUPPET MAN   
**Bass:** I feel sick   
**Miles:** Drink more   
**Miles:** It helps   
**Jeremy:** Let's stop our important plot   
**Jeremy:** For fast food   
**Jeremy:** And social commentary   
**Miles:** ...maybe she takes after her mother   
**Bass:** I bet her mom eats meat   
**Jeremy:** You are sick Bass   
**Bass:** VETO   
**Bass:** VETO VETO   
**Bass:** DOUBLE TRIPLE VETO FUCKING GRAVES OH GREAT I BET VOLDEMORT DID IT TOO   
**Jeremy:** Bass there was no Harry Potter   
**Bass:** TOTALLY KILLING THE MOOD   
**Bass:** NOW SHE WILL REALISE SHE IS A LESBIAN   
**Miles:** ...Jeremy we have got to talk about your choice of movies   
**Miles:** That could be fun   
**Jeremy:** It's not my fault! People die in most movies   
**Jeremy:** Haunting melodies guys   
**Miles:** OH they found the buttplug!   
**Bass:** Oh my family oh my world oh my life look shiny it's all better   
**Bass:** LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE HOLE?   
**Miles:** DON'T TOUCH IT LIKE THAT   
**Bass:** Do you know where it has been   
**Miles:** CLOAK   
**Jeremy:** *flounce*   
**Jeremy:** A Parsec Aeon is stupid   
**Bass:** Wait   
**Bass:** Is this Thor?   
**Bass:** He looks like Thor   
**Bass:** Oh now it's Back to the Future   
**Miles:** Fuck, it really is   
**Jeremy:** You guys are raping my childhood   
**Miles:** We are so lucky to have gotten out of the 80s alive   
**Miles:** Yes   
**Miles:** Yes we are   
**Bass:** Touch it   
**Bass:** Touch it   
**Miles:** And you enjoy it   
**Bass:** STROKE IT   
**Bass:** PLUG IT IN   
**Bass:** LSD TRIP   
**Miles:** IT MAKES A HOLE   
**Miles:** TOUCH THE HOLE   
**Bass:** WOW WE HAVE NEVER SEEN LIGHT BEFORE   
**Bass:** Why does that dude have a crane   
**Bass:** Oh wow look at Google Maps   
**Bass:** Those tits are impressive   
**Miles:** ...I would not trust those guys with an important mission   
**Bass:** Dude those minions are shit   
**Miles:** They look like goons   
**Jeremy:** Yes well they have to lose don't they   
**Miles:** OH HE WANTS HIM BACK   
**Miles:** We thought you wanted the BUTTPLUG   
**Bass:** He wants him back to put the buttplug in him   
**Bass:** The fuck   
**Bass:** OK   
**Bass:** I thought that was her room   
**Bass:** With all the gay shit   
**Bass:** I was gonna say why aren't you making out   
**Miles:** Graduation?!   
**Miles:** How old are these kids?   
**Miles:** Ew   
**Jeremy:** It's just casting   
**Miles:** TRAGIC PAST   
**Jeremy:** Oh look dead parents   
**Bass:** Would you two stop   
**Bass:** That is a shit prom   
**Miles:** ...that isn't Carl, Monica   
**Bass:** Yes Monica it is Carl   
**Bass:** I am dressed as a space troll   
**Bass:** I guess that's Carl he had a C on his shirt   
**Bass:** Maybe get to cover before you yell   
**Miles:** Oh look, things are on fire   
**Jeremy:** Listen to the only one with dialogue!   
**Miles:** How are things on fire already?   
**Jeremy:** Sparkles!   
**Jeremy:** They have guns   
**Jeremy:** Oh look Pepsi   
**Jeremy:** BURN   
**Bass:** Surprisingly together of her   
**Miles:** Do they want her alive or not?   
**Bass:** But why is there ammonia there   
**Bass:** THAT IS A BIG FIRE   
**Miles:** That is no way to catch someone you want alive!   
**Bass:** MILES   
**Bass:** WHAT ARE YOU DOING   
**Miles:** IT WASN'T ME   
**Miles:** I WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME   
**Bass:** Run mostly naked He Man   
**Miles:** Oh I can see where this is going   
**Jeremy:** Look it's the only abandoned industrial set ever used   
**Bass:** They have sex right?   
**Miles:** I bet they do   
**Jeremy:** He belongs to Skeletor!   
**Bass:** FROM THE SPACE BEASTS   
**Bass:** WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM   
**Bass:** BECAUSE HE IS DRESSED LIKE A PERVERT   
**Bass:** HE HAS A SWORD   
**Bass:** WHY WOULD YOU TRUST HIM   
**Miles:** Maybe she is blinded by his nipples   
**Jeremy:** He looks more human   
**Jeremy:** See he gave her a gun   
**Bass:** I had a dream like this   
**Miles:** Did it end well?   
**Bass:** Fuck I need more booze   
**Miles:** Allow me to oblige   
**Bass:** I turned into a hippo in the dream... I don't remember Miles   
**Bass:** OK so we're in feminism now   
**Bass:** She's taken down two guys and the other chick hits shit too   
**Bass:** This is a shit sword fight   
**Bass:** These minions suck   
**Bass:** GET IN COVER   
**Bass:** DO NOT STAND IN THE WAY   
**Jeremy:** Bass you're getting more into this than I expected   
**Bass:** THEY WERE GOING TO DIE   
**Miles:** They're doing it wrong!   
**Bass:** Oh look he goes to a sex shop   
**Bass:** See I found this cool butt plug   
**Bass:** Look at it   
**Bass:** What the fuck hat   
**Miles:** OH NO why is that man named after my NIECE?   
**Jeremy:** It's period   
**Jeremy:** Miles plenty of people are called that   
**Miles:** There better not be any KINKY SHIT with him   
**Bass:** THOSE CRAZY JAPANESE SEX TOYS   
**Miles:** STOP TOUCHING IT   
**Bass:** PRESS IT   
**Bass:** PRESSSSSS IT   
**Miles:** HE TOUCHED IT   
**Miles:** OH YEAH BABY   
**Jeremy:** Haunting melodies   
**Miles:** I am haunted all right   
**Jeremy:** He should totally hand it in to the police   
**Jeremy:** It's very immoral   
**Jeremy:** Rather than just making music   
**Jeremy:** It is a plot hole which bothers me   
**Jeremy:** OH LOOK AT THE RADIO   
**Miles:** What the fuck is that man wearing?   
**Jeremy:** LOOK AT THE TIE   
**Bass:** Oh god kill me   
**Bass:** IT'S THIS BIG   
**Miles:** It's a giant buttplug   
**Miles:** I NEED MY BUTTPLUG BACK!   
**Bass:** YOUR ACTING SUCKS   
**Bass:** MY ASS HOLE IS EMPTY   
**Miles:** Way to make her feel better, man   
**Bass:** MY BOYFRIEND WILL NOT SEX ME   
**Bass:** WITHOUT IT   
**Miles:** Way to reassure her that her boyfriend isn't going to be EATEN by SPACE TROLLS   
**Jeremy:** Surely this room would actually be   
**Jeremy:** Totally ruined and he would be dead in fire   
**Jeremy:** and people wouldn't be able to go in   
**Jeremy:** Look at his coat   
**Miles:** Look at his head!   
**Bass:** Well she didn't burn down to a bag   
**Bass:** Wow he's short   
**Miles:** Bald midget!   
**Miles:** Maybe he and the hairy puppet midget will make friends   
**Jeremy:** Book him Danno   
**Bass:** Look it's your car   
**Miles:** I swear nothing you say is English, Jem   
**Miles:** SHUSH I miss that car   
**Jeremy:** Fuck you Miles   
**Bass:** You wish Jem   
**Bass:** IS HE   
**Bass:** DID HE SAY   
**Bass:** MAN AT ARMS   
**Bass:** WHAT THE FUCK NAME IS THAT   
**Bass:** JEM   
**Bass:** It's YOUR CAR   
**Bass:** It's pink   
**Jeremy:** Shut up Bass   
**Miles:** Wow, that is painful   
**Jeremy:** SEE   
**Miles:** Wait, it runs on WHAT?   
**Jeremy:** A PRIUS   
**Miles:** FUCK THAT SHIT   
**Bass:** WHAT THE   
**Bass:** I WANT MY CAR TO DO THAT   
**Miles:** KINKY SHIT   
**Bass:** WHY DIDN'T BEN DO THAT   
**Bass:** INSTEAD OF TURN THE POWER OFF   
**Bass:** Erm   
**Miles:** WHAT IS HE DOING TO HER?   
**Bass:** I thought he was gay   
**Jeremy:** He's equal opportunities   
**Miles:** Maybe he likes chicks in metal bikinis too   
**Jeremy:** He's giving her a massage   
**Jeremy:** If I kill him... I can't have sex with him   
**Miles:** She's like PAY ATTENTION TO ME and he's all WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND   
**Miles:** This is so so wrong, Jeremy   
**Jeremy:** Walk of shame   
**Miles:** Oh here come the minions   
**Miles:** They fucked up   
**Bass:** Jeremy why can't we watch normal shit   
**Miles:** Grovel, minions   
**Bass:** Why are they all alive   
**Miles:** GROVEL LIKE YOU MEAN IT   
**Jeremy:** It's a kids' movie   
**Miles:** It's fucked-up for a kids movie   
**Bass:** Fucking kinky kids' movie   
**Bass:** PINK   
**Bass:** HE KILLED HIM WITH PINK   
**Bass:** PROOF HE IS GAY   
**Miles:** Now they grovel   
**Miles:** See   
**Bass:** Ew furry thing   
**Bass:** She sexes them   
**Bass:** Because he won't sex her   
**Bass:** HAHAHAHA SILLY EVIL TITS   
**Miles:** OH no more sex for you   
**Miles:** NOW GROVEL AND GO   
**Jeremy:** They have to go in groups of 4   
**Jeremy:** It's a rule   
**Miles:** How short is that guy?   
**Bass:** Why is she ringing her own house   
**Bass:** And   
**Bass:** Why is she so dumb   
**Bass:** He was trying to be secret   
**Miles:** HE IS NOT DOING SO WELL   
**Miles:** Also, payphones   
**Miles:** It's so period   
**Miles:** DON'T TOUCH THE BUTTPLUG   
**Miles:** DON'T TOUCH IT BALD MIDGET MAN   
**Bass:** I bet you like it Miles because it reminds you of the good old days   
**Bass:** WOW COP MAN IS SMARTER   
**Miles:** THE FUCK IS THAT?   
**Jeremy:** I have got to get me one of those   
**Miles:** RUMBLED   
**Miles:** BURN   
**Bass:** To be fair the other two came as well   
**Bass:** PRESS THE SEX BUTTON   
**Bass:** ACT BALDY ACT   
**Miles:** IT'S HIS INSTRUMENT   
**Bass:** MILES   
**Bass:** MORE FIRE   
**Miles:** IT WASN'T ME   
**Bass:** I GOT SODOMY   
**Jeremy:** Poor Tom is having a bad idea   
**Jeremy:** Yes he can   
**Jeremy:** He's a cop   
**Miles:** Is she a victim or a suspect, Bald Midget?   
**Jeremy:** Look   
**Miles:** You should make your mind up   
**Jeremy:** Flying shit   
**Jeremy:** Wow he is putting fast food cups in the sink   
**Jeremy:** He's a real MAN   
**Miles:** He threw his DISHCLOTH at them   
**Bass:** Kinky sex again   
**Miles:** KINKY   
**Bass:** It is totally about how women are good at fighting and men just want sex   
**Bass:** KNIFE   
**Bass:** YEY   
**Miles:** Oh oh oh   
**Bass:** NO DO   
**Bass:** PERSUADE HIM   
**Bass:** Oh fucking jewellery   
**Miles:** The FUCK is with this?   
**Miles:** This is a KIDS MOVIE?!   
**Jeremy:** Yes Miles   
**Miles:** Oh that just makes it too easy   
**Bass:** Oh look Jem it's you   
**Miles:** Torture him properly!   
**Bass:** Snap fingers and 'yes'   
**Jeremy:** SHUT UP   
**Jeremy:** SEE   
**Jeremy:** ANGST   
**Miles:** I think you mean, Shut Up, _General_   
**Miles:** WHERE IS MY BUTTPLUG, BITCH?   
**Jeremy:** That blood is not realistic   
**Miles:** Is she the good cop?   
**Bass:** Why didn't they take the necklace of truth off him   
**Bass:** Surely it's expensive   
**Miles:** Maybe it isn't re-useable   
**Miles:** Maybe it binds to him   
**Miles:** Maybe it's a present for Monica   
**Bass:** It's stupid   
**Bass:** 'Do you think my butt looks big with this plug in it, Tom'   
**Miles:** Look Jem it's your car again!   
**Jeremy:** You wish your car was this cool   
**Jeremy:** Kinky   
**Jeremy:** Shouldn't they remove it if they are good and true   
**Jeremy:** Rather than rely on it   
**Miles:** Oh yes, question him whilst he's still under   
**Miles:** More fun   
**Bass:** Evil Tits   
**Bass:** I want one of those   
**Bass:** Hahaha chair   
**Bass:** Chair vs space laser   
**Miles:** Space laser wins, clearly   
**Bass:** At least he reacts normally   
**Miles:** OH FUCK   
**Bass:** THE FUCK   
**Miles:** IT'S IN DRAG   
**Bass:** CROSS DRESSING MIDGET   
**Jeremy:** It's like ET   
**Jeremy:** Drink   
**Jeremy:** Drink oh god drink   
**Miles:** PLEASE KILL ME   
**Miles:** THERE ISN'T ENOUGH ALCOHOL IN THE WORLD   
**Jeremy:** See the boy is smart   
**Miles:** He is so whupped   
**Jeremy:** Na na space ship   
**Miles:** Fly, weird space egg thing   
**Bass:** Because Russians are always inventing new sex   
**Miles:** Is that a come-on?   
**Miles:** Yes, it's a circus act   
**Bass:** Sic the puppet on him   
**Miles:** Get him, puppet!   
**Bass:** They are about the same height   
**Bass:** THAT HAT   
**Miles:** They are destined to be together   
**Bass:** OH GOD   
**Miles:** I know it   
**Jeremy:** GUYS   
**Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHROMON?   
**Jeremy:** TANKS   
**Bass:** I like tanks   
**Bass:** They make more sense   
**Bass:** He Man   
**Bass:** Beast Man   
**Bass:** White Hair Man   
**Bass:** Man Man   
**Miles:** Man At Arms   
**Bass:** Woman Man   
**Jeremy:** GUYS   
**Bass:** PUPPET MAN   
**Miles:** BALD MAN   
**Bass:** NAKED MAN   
**Bass:** MAN MAN   
**Bass:** SKELETON   
**Bass:** OH LOOK   
**Miles:** SCIENCE   
**Bass:** HERE IS TIME FOR BORING MAN TO MAKE STUFF   
**Jeremy:** WHY IS HE ON ABOUT THAT BECAUSE   
**Jeremy:** THERE IS NO BODY SNATCHERS IN THIS   
**Jeremy:** IT IS STAR WARS   
**Bass:** Poor drum kit   
**Miles:** Nipples and Man Man are enjoying themselves too much   
**Miles:** I like them   
**Miles:** SHOOT BETTER   
**Bass:** This is like the unsexiest fight place ever   
**Miles:** Bald Man is shorter than Woman Man   
**Miles:** He is seriously a MIDGET   
**Bass:** MAYBE HE IS AN ALIEN   
**Bass:** Dude   
**Miles:** Those two are enjoying this too much   
**Bass:** The explosion was not accurate   
**Jeremy:** Of all the things to complain about   
**Miles:** FIRE AGAIN   
**Bass:** WHY ARE ONLY TWO KEYS ON THE KEYBOARD ON FIRE   
**Bass:** Get the gay calendar model to play music   
**Bass:** See it's all about women   
**Miles:** OH OH OH the feminism   
**Bass:** Who wrote this   
**Bass:** A ten year old boy   
**Miles:** On CRACK   
**Jeremy:** Oh look   
**Miles:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?!   
**Jeremy:** Humans standing up for space naliens   
**Jeremy:** Look out   
**Jeremy:** It's plot   
**Miles:** OH NO   
**Miles:** TRAGIC PAST   
**Jeremy:** Look at the skirt   
**Bass:** SHE IS DEAD   
**Bass:** DON'T GO   
**Bass:** IT'S A TRAP   
**Bass:** YOU STUPID BITCH   
**Miles:** NO MONICA NO   
**Bass:** Roxanne   
**Bass:** You don't have to put on the red light   
**Bass:** Why are they in a dodgy back alley   
**Bass:** OH LOOK   
**Bass:** IT'S YOUR SISTER IN LAW   
**Miles:** DON'T FALL FOR IT   
**Miles:** SHUT UP   
**Bass:** SECRET GOVERNMENT WORK   
**Bass:** THE SHINY METAL BUTT PLUG   
**Jeremy:** Oh no   
**Miles:** THREESOME   
**Jeremy:** Threesome   
**Miles:** RESPECT THE PUPPET   
**Jeremy:** You made the puppet mad   
**Miles:** OH NO   
**Miles:** NOT THE BUTTPLUG   
**Jeremy:** Oh dear   
**Jeremy:** Don't give your mother sex toys   
**Bass:** I KNEW IT   
**Bass:** YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE YOUR MOTHER A BUTT PLUG   
**Bass:** NO MATTER IF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON IT   
**Bass:** BECAUSE SHE IS DEAD   
**Bass:** Hahaha records   
**Miles:** COME BACK AND DIE, MOTHERFUCKERS!   
**Bass:** POW POW   
**Miles:** YES, DUCK, THAT WILL SAVE YOU   
**Bass:** EVIL TITS STOLE IT   
**Jeremy:** Those two are sexing   
**Jeremy:** I hope you have insurance   
**Miles:** They are the same height   
**Miles:** No, don't stay right there   
**Jeremy:** That was dumb   
**Miles:** The building is on FIRE   
**Bass:** Burn burn burn burn MILES IS THAT YOU   
**Miles:** Holy shit indeed, Baldy   
**Miles:** NO IT IS NOT ME   
**Bass:** SHOES ON SALE   
**Jeremy:** Bass that's so gay   
**Miles:** PRIORITIES!   
**Bass:** Shut up   
**Bass:** Skeletor's music sucks   
**Miles:** Oh see how she caresses it   
**Miles:** They are so fucking   
**Miles:** And it's so wrong   
**Bass:** It's Mr Stay Puft   
**Jeremy:** A BIG DOOR   
**Miles:** A VERY BIG DOOR   
**Jeremy:** Carry the puppet so he doesn't have to walk   
**Jeremy:** It costs more to hire a midget to walk   
**Miles:** You think we could get armour like that for our guys?   
**Jeremy:** STAR WARS REFERENCE   
**Jeremy:** ALSO BACK TO THE FUTURE   
**Jeremy:** BASICALLY DRINK   
**Miles:** THAT   
**Miles:** I WANT THAT   
**Miles:** OH FUCK   
**Jeremy:** You would   
**Bass:** No he wouldn't it has buttons   
**Miles:** FUCK OFF   
**Miles:** I CAN HAVE MINIONS FOR THE BUTTONS   
**Bass:** Make me   
**Bass:** Evil Tits   
**Bass:** Big Daddy wants to spank you   
**Miles:** She is so turned on right now   
**Miles:** MY BOYFRIEND   
**Jeremy:** He's like, talk faster   
**Miles:** WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND   
**Jeremy:** Stop porn voicing   
**Jeremy:** Give me my man   
**Jeremy:** And my butt plug   
**Jeremy:** And a gallon of strawberry lube   
**Bass:** HANDS OFF MY STRAWBERRY LUBE   
**Miles:** FUCK I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW   
**Bass:** WHERE ARE   
**Bass:** ALL THE PEOPLE   
**Bass:** MILES YOU SICK FUCK WHY   
**Bass:** WHY   
**Bass:** THERE ARE NO CIVILIANS   
**Miles:** DON'T ASK QUESTIONS   
**Bass:** MILES   
**Bass:** WE NEED A SERIOUS TALK   
**Bass:** HOW IS HE STAYING ON AT THAT ANGLE   
**Jeremy:** It's magic Bass   
**Miles:** PHYSICS   
**Jeremy:** Magic flying skateboard   
**Miles:** HE BROKE PHYSICS   
**Miles:** DON'T TELL BEN   
**Jeremy:** Fuck physics they have lasers   
**Miles:** MY BUTTPLUG, BITCH   
**Miles:** ALL MINE   
**Jeremy:** And the bad guys are strangely not ready for basic things like grappling hooks. A second time   
**Bass:** So Miles   
**Bass:** Do I need to put white girly mask shit on my face   
**Bass:** And wear a cloak   
**Miles:** NO to the white mask shit   
**Bass:** HOW   
**Bass:** HE   
**Bass:** UPSIDE   
**Bass:** WHAT   
**Miles:** Fuck no   
**Miles:** PHYSICS   
**Jeremy:** He Man is better than gravity   
**Jeremy:** His nipples keep him in place   
**Jeremy:** That's right   
**Jeremy:** Poke it   
**Miles:** HOW ARE THEY NOT NOTICING THAT?   
**Miles:** TURN AROUND   
**Jeremy:** With your finger   
**Miles:** TURN AROUND YOU STUPID FUCKS   
**Bass:** LOOK I AM EVIL HAHA   
**Bass:** HAHAH FORCEFIELD BITCHES   
**Bass:** Kinky   
**Bass:** KINKY   
**Miles:** OH YEAH   
**Bass:** BOOZE   
**Miles:** I am keeping that line   
**Bass:** Oops   
**Bass:** You would use that line anyway   
**Bass:** Wait   
**Bass:** What about Greyskull   
**Bass:** What's this snake shit we haven't seen any snakes   
**Jeremy:** It's from the cartoon Bass   
**Miles:** GAY PINK SHIT AGAIN   
**Miles:** LOOK   
**Bass:** Of course it's a trap   
**Bass:** Why didn't that kill her   
**Miles:** MY BUTTPLUG   
**Bass:** Crap minions   
**Bass:** SHOVE   
**Bass:** SHOVE SMASH SLASH RAGH I AM MANLY   
**Miles:** FIGHT   
**Miles:** FIGHT FOR OUR AMUSEMENT   
**Jeremy:** I love how the others are like not involved   
**Miles:** ACT   
**Miles:** ACT SKELETOR ACT   
**Bass:** KINKY   
**Bass:** HIS SLAVE   
**Miles:** FUCK   
**Miles:** FUCK   
**Bass:** THE FUCK   
**Bass:** YES   
**Miles:** JEREMY WHAT ARE WE WATCHING   
**Bass:** THE 80s WAS TASTELESS   
**Bass:** BUT SERIOUSLY HIS PLACE IS GAY AS SHIT   
**Miles:** OH NO HE DID IT   
**Bass:** Oh handcuffs   
**Bass:** Square ones   
**Miles:** THIS IS SO FUCKED UP   
**Jeremy:** It's the tragic heroic sacrifice   
**Miles:** MERCY   
**Bass:** Ahhhh clever   
**Miles:** WILL BE YOUR WEAKNESS   
**Bass:** But   
**Bass:** He should chain them up   
**Bass:** Not just leave 'em   
**Bass:** His gift is pink shit?   
**Miles:** HE BROKE THE BUTTPLUG   
**Bass:** Put new batteries in   
**Miles:** I SERIOUSLY WANT THAT THING   
**Bass:** You sick fuck   
**Miles:** Yes   
**Bass:** WHY   
**Bass:** What would you do with it   
**Bass:** Float around looking gay   
**Miles:** INVADE PLACES   
**Jeremy:** We could make you one with horses   
**Jeremy:** Here are the civilians   
**Miles:** POOR BALD MIDGET   
**Miles:** ...ew   
**Jeremy:** Yuck   
**Jeremy:** That was also very bad SFX   
**Miles:** Poor Monica   
**Bass:** Haven't they seen Back to the Future   
**Bass:** Get Lightning   
**Miles:** Use the gay car!   
**Bass:** Receive Time Travel   
**Miles:** HE IS A MUSICIAN   
**Bass:** Oh see   
**Miles:** OH FUCK   
**Miles:** HE CAN REMEMBER   
**Bass:** WHY   
**Miles:** THEY WILL GET HOME NOW!   
**Miles:** THEY WILL!   
**Bass:** IS THE WALL MAKING MUSIC   
**Bass:** WHY   
**Bass:** Oh listen   
**Bass:** it's   
**Jeremy:** ...haunting   
**Miles:** THE THEME TUNE!   
**Bass:** Melodic   
**Jeremy:** And simple   
**Miles:** IT IS HIS POWER   
**Miles:** HE HAS THE POWER   
**Miles:** IT IS A THING   
**Bass:** Remembering... wait   
**Miles:** OH HE IS A MASTER   
**Bass:** Is he a master too   
**Bass:** Are they all masters   
**Miles:** IT'S SO DEEP   
**Bass:** I thought he was a sub   
**Bass:** Considering that shit with the necklace   
**Bass:** That's the term isn't it   
**Bass:** Submarine   
**Miles:** PEP TALK TIME   
**Bass:** LISTEN TO ME BOY MAN   
**Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK IS A CHROMON?   
**Bass:** I AM MAN MAN MAN AT ARMY MAN   
**Jeremy:** I think it's like Chronotons   
**Bass:** THE FUCK IS A CHROMY MAN   
**Miles:** THIS IS NOT SCIENCE   
**Bass:** Oh look   
**Bass:** We have it all   
**Bass:** Right here   
**Bass:** The power of our love   
**Miles:** BY OUR POWERS COMBI....   
**Bass:** Will save Monica   
**Miles:** KINKY SHIT   
**Jeremy:** We are Captain Boy Band   
**Miles:** KINKY SHIT LOOK   
**Bass:** Yes   
**Bass:** HE IS   
**Bass:** MORE NAKED   
**Bass:** FUCKING   
**Bass:** JEREMY   
**Bass:** THIS IS GAY PORN WITH PUPPETS   
**Miles:** I HATE THE 80s   
**Bass:** Oh it's a talking clock   
**Miles:** OH LOOK IT'S CHANDELIER LADY   
**Jeremy:** See how she is old   
**Miles:** SHE IS OLD NOW   
**Jeremy:** She looks like him   
**Miles:** She does   
**Bass:** Destitution shame and loneliness?   
**Miles:** Maybe they have thing too   
**Bass:** I think he fucks any hole   
**Bass:** My response   
**Bass:** Is a phallic sword   
**Bass:** MINE   
**Bass:** Hahahaha   
**Bass:** My sword   
**Bass:** I took your cock   
**Miles:** This is so wrong   
**Miles:** So so wrong   
**Bass:** I PUT IT IN A HOLE   
**Jeremy:** STOP IT   
**Jeremy:** STOP IIIIIT   
**Jeremy:** WAIT   
**Jeremy:** Oh no   
**Bass:** THEY CHAINED HIM TO THE FLOOR   
**Miles:** Jeremy, you are a sick puppy   
**Jeremy:** Next time we watch the Lion King   
**Miles:** KINKY SHIT   
**Bass:** That won't make me want to make out   
**Bass:** Kneeling   
**Bass:** Hehehe   
**Bass:** He said kneeling   
**Bass:** Mmmm harm   
**Bass:** WAIT   
**Bass:** THAT   
**Bass:** IS A SPACE LASER WHIP   
**Miles:** Tits McGee is enjoying th...   
**Jeremy:** Yep   
**Miles:** ...the fuck   
**Miles:** The FUCK

**Jeremy:** ACT MAN ACT   
**Miles:** I   
**Bass:** Gyrating hips   
**Miles:** Am   
**Miles:** I   
**Miles:** FUCK   
**Bass:** Pink car   
**Bass:** *hits Jem*   
**Bass:** WHERE ARE THE CIVILIANS   
**Jeremy:** Shades of ET   
**Jeremy:** That is not   
**Jeremy:** Accurate   
**Jeremy:** It would not make those noises   
**Miles:** This is the 80s   
**Miles:** Don't question it   
**Bass:** The fuck is a pretard   
**Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK IS A PRETON   
**Miles:** IS THAT LIKE A CHROMON?   
**Bass:** See   
**Bass:** Puppet man is like   
**Bass:** Make out

**Miles:** THE PUPPET IS WATCHING THEM   
**Bass:** You randy teens   
**Bass:** You sick pup..... OH LOOK BEATINGS   
**Bass:** HE HOLDS HIS STICK   
**Bass:** LIKE   
**Miles:** ...the fuck   
**Bass:** A STICK   
**Miles:** The fuck   
**Miles:** The fuck   
**Jeremy:** He is so turned on right now   
**Jeremy:** And kneeling again   
**Miles:** I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW   
**Jeremy:** His canines are too big   
**Bass:** YOU SICK FUCK   
**Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME   
**Bass:** YOU WANT HE MAN   
**Jeremy:** Miles you are so sick   
**Miles:** I WANT TO DUNK MY HEAD IN COLD WATER   
**Bass:** WHICH HEAD   
**Miles:** PASS ME THE BOTTLE, GLASSES ARE FOR WIMPS   
**Bass:** They are having an orgy midgetcop   
**Bass:** Where are his legs   
**Bass:** How is he standing   
**Bass:** Before the eye   
**Bass:** With no legs   
**Miles:** OH FUCK HE IS GOING TO MAKE PEOPLE WATCH THE KINKY SHIT   
**Jeremy:** It's to save on bandwidth   
**Jeremy:** MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE   
**Jeremy:** LOOK   
**Jeremy:** IT OPENS   
**Jeremy:** LIKE A BUTT HOLE   
**Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?   
**Bass:** Jeremy even your butt hole does not open like that   
**Bass:** NANITES   
**Miles:** NOW WE KNOW WHAT THE BUTTPLUG WAS FOR   
**Bass:** The fuck   
**Miles:** This is fucked up   
**Bass:** Oh he is so camp   
**Miles:** This is FUCKED UP   
**Jeremy:** He is having sex   
**Jeremy:** With the yellow light   
**Jeremy:** Evil Tits is turned on   
**Jeremy:** KNEEL   
**Miles:** Even Tits McGee is... FUCK   
**Jeremy:** BEFORE   
**Jeremy:** YOUR   
**Miles:** WHAT DID HE JUST SAY   
**Jeremy:** MASTER   
**Bass:** DRINK THE DRINK   
**Bass:** I AM MORE THAN MAN? I AM   
**Miles:** DRINK ALL THE DRINKS   
**Miles:** ALL OF THEM   
**Bass:** ... A GOD???????   
**Miles:** NOW   
**Bass:** The   
**Bass:** Ever   
**Bass:** Living   
**Bass:** Fuck   
**Bass:** How   
**Bass:** Did he turn   
**Bass:** Into some gold   
**Bass:** Spiky   
**Miles:** ...oh I need some alone time...   
**Jeremy:** It's the power of Eternia   
**Miles:** I don't want to live in this world anymore   
**Bass:** Stupid cop can't you see it's magic   
**Jeremy:** Sparkly stick   
**Miles:** GLOAT, GOLDY   
**Jeremy:** Sparkly head spikes   
**Miles:** GLOAT   
**Miles:** THE LONELINESS OF EVIL?!   
**Miles:** THE FUCK   
**Jeremy:** ...is the loneliness of good equal to the...   
**Jeremy:** Yeah   
**Jeremy:** If they just got sexed   
**Jeremy:** HALF THE CAR   
**Jeremy:** THEY BROKE THE CAR   
**Miles:** Cue gunfight in five...   
**Miles:** four, three, two...   
**Bass:** Yes if they just had a sex it would fix it   
**Miles:** GUNFIGHT!   
**Bass:** HE MAN   
**Bass:** OF COURSE HE LIED   
**Miles:** OH HE'S LOOSE   
**Bass:** HE IS EVIL   
**Miles:** GET THEM   
**Miles:** GET THEM ALL   
**Miles:** THERE ARE NO SPARKLY VAMPIRES HERE BALD MAN   
**Bass:** ARMY MAN MAN TELL BALDY MAN COP TO SHOOT THE BLACK STORMTROOPY MAN   
**Bass:** HOW   
**Bass:** DOES   
**Bass:** HIS GUN   
**Bass:** HAVE   
**Bass:** THAT   
**Bass:** MANY   
**Bass:** SHOTS   
**Bass:** IN   
**Miles:** IT IS MAGIC   
**Miles:** OR SOME SHIT   
**Jeremy:** Fiction Bass   
**Miles:** Oh oh look, Tits McGee is edging towards the door   
**Miles:** I knew she had brains   
**Bass:** See the pink is now yellow   
**Miles:** In among the tits   
**Bass:** Maybe the brains are in the tits   
**Miles:** So the Eye or whatever made him LESS gay?   
**Bass:** Wait   
**Bass:** Static   
**Bass:** Is that safe   
**Bass:** How much he is sparking   
**Miles:** No, no it is not   
**Bass:** Think He Man Think   
**Jeremy:** Use your manly man arms   
**Miles:** SEE THE POLYSTYRENE FALL   
**Jeremy:** Hahaha   
**Jeremy:** White Furry Man is so whipped   
**Jeremy:** SWINGING ON GOLD LAME SCARVES   
**Miles:** THE SWORD   
**Miles:** GET THE SWORD   
**Bass:** He   
**Bass:** He's going to say it   
**Bass:** HE   
**Bass:** SAID IT   
**Miles:** HE SAID IT   
**Bass:** I HAVE THE POWER   
**Bass:** DRINK   
**Miles:** DRINK!   
**Bass:** Who wrote a fucking M on his back   
**Miles:** IT WAS ALWAYS BETWEEN THEM   
**Bass:** ALWAYS BETWEEN US   
**Miles:** THIS IS FUCKED UP   
**Miles:** I LOVE IT   
**Jeremy:** LIKE OUR PENISES   
**Jeremy:** LOOK   
**Jeremy:** ALL THE LIGHTS   
**Jeremy:** FIRE   
**Jeremy:** FIRE   
**Jeremy:** BAM   
**Miles:** FIGHT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!   
**Bass:** KILL HIM KILL HIM   
**Miles:** FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE   
**Miles:** YOUR LOVE IS ETERNAL   
**Jeremy:** HAVE SEX   
**Miles:** LIKE ETERNIA   
**Miles:** OH FUCK I JUST GOT THAT!   
**Bass:** STICK VERSUS SWORD   
**Miles:** SWORD WINS   
**Bass:** OH NO   
**Bass:** HE IS NOT YELLOW NOW   
**Bass:** HE LOST HIS GLOW   
**Miles:** Fuck did he just come?   
**Bass:** KILL HIM   
**Bass:** OR FUCK HIM   
**Bass:** I think so   
**Bass:** He came all his yellow out   
**Jeremy:** OH NO   
**Jeremy:** Skeletor can go twice   
**Miles:** SKELETOR!   
**Bass:** Where did his stick go   
**Bass:** He Man just came   
**Miles:** BUT THEIR LOVE!   
**Miles:** THEIR LOVE!   
**Bass:** In the hole   
**Miles:** I AM STILL TURNED ON   
**Bass:** Skeletor fell in the hole   
**Bass:** YOU SICK FUCK   
**Jeremy:** I AGREE   
**Jeremy:** YOU ARE SICK   
**Jeremy:** His butt hole closed   
**Jeremy:** See   
**Jeremy:** Here he is normal sized   
**Jeremy:** With midget puppets   
**Miles:** Where did the hot chick come from?   
**Jeremy:** Good on you baldy cop   
**Miles:** Oh chandelier lady is better   
**Bass:** It's a marble   
**Miles:** That's good   
**Bass:** So is Monica   
**Bass:** They have the same hair   
**Miles:** Good journey...   
**Miles:** BASS I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE   
**Bass:** Good sex   
**Bass:** It's called GAY   
**Miles:** TOUCHING   
**Bass:** YOU PROBABLY CAME IN YOUR EYE   
**Jeremy:** Is that even possible   
**Bass:** Probably   
**Bass:** Oh look   
**Bass:** TIME   
**Bass:** TRAVEL   
**Miles:** HAUNTING   
**Miles:** MELODIES   
**Jeremy:** He has candy wrappers in his hair   
**Miles:** Because he saved the world   
**Jeremy:** Go in the hole   
**Jeremy:** Hahaha look at the posters   
**Jeremy:** AND   
**Miles:** What the FUCK is she WEARING?   
**Jeremy:** THE NIGHT SHIRT   
**Jeremy:** IS SHE A FUCKING GRANNIE   
**Miles:** IT'S SO WHOLESOME   
**Bass:** Oh who didn't see this coming   
**Miles:** OH FUCK THEY ARE ALIVE!   
**Bass:** See we fixed the tragedy   
**Miles:** I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE AGAIN   
**Jeremy:** But see   
**Jeremy:** Where is the current her   
**Jeremy:** If she is there   
**Jeremy:** Did they murder past her   
**Miles:** ...oh my head   
**Bass:** And then they commit her to a mental asylum   
**Bass:** How is he dressed   
**Miles:** Or she runs away with Tall Hairy Man   
**Miles:** GOOD JOURNEY GUYS   
**Jeremy:** Time for magic pebble   
**Miles:** SEE THE MARBLE   
**Jeremy:** Haunting   
**Miles:** HE IS GOING TO SAY IT   
**Bass:** Melody   
**Bass:** HE SAID IT   
**Miles:** HE SAID IT   
**Bass:** HE SAID IT   
**Bass:** HAHAHAHA   
**Bass:** JEREMY   
**Bass:** YOU DO NOT PICK MOVIES EVER AGAIN   
**Miles:** I love it   
**Bass:** There is someone credited as Pigboy   
**Bass:** PIGBOY   
**Miles:** It is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen   
**Bass:** YOU WOULD   
**Jeremy:** I have Boa Vs Python   
**Bass:** Is that a sex film about cocks   
**Jeremy:** NO   
**Miles:** YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PICK MOVIES   
**Miles:** ALL YOUR MOVIES ARE PORN   
**Miles:** GAY RAINBOW PORN   
**Bass:** Some are not   
**Bass:** Of mine I mean   
**Bass:** His are   
**Bass:** You enjoyed that Miles   
**Miles:** YES   
**Miles:** YES I DID   
**Miles:** I AM NOT ASHAMED   
**Jeremy:** Yeah you did way too much   
**Miles:** I am still turned on   
**Miles:** More alcohol   
**Bass:** I do not know how you can think about sex right now   
**Bass:** There were puppets   
**Miles:** Give me more alcohol   
**Miles:** NOT WITH THE PUPPETS   
**Bass:** PUPPETS   
**Miles:** I have standards   
**Miles:** STANDARDS, BASS   
**Jeremy:** You wanted to have sex with Skeletor   
**Miles:** I DID NOT   
**Jeremy:** You do not have room to say you have standards   
**Jeremy:** You were all turned on when he was on screen   
**Jeremy:** OR   
**Jeremy:** MAYBE   
**Jeremy:** YOU WANT TO BE HIM   
**Miles:** YOU ARE SICKER THAN I AM   
**Miles:** AND I AM SICK   
**Bass:** I need to be more drunk   
**Bass:** To be   
**Miles:** I don't think you can BE drunk enough for this   
**Bass:** No   
**Bass:** I know   
**Bass:** Fuck   
**Bass:** Wait   
**Bass:** What   
**Bass:** WHAT   
**Miles:** HE'S STILL ALIVE   
**Jeremy:** HAHAHAHA   
**Miles:** I KNEW IT   
**Bass:** FUCK NO SEQUEL NO NO NO   
**Miles:** I LOVE IT   
**Bass:** KILL ME   
**Bass:** OH GOD


	2. Ghostbusters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time they're watching Ghostbusters. And we're still not sorry. Or sober.
> 
> Additional Warnings: More buttplugs. Lube. Rape of yet more of your childhood movies. Inappropriate arousal. Very bad hair.

**Jeremy:** Okay, it's time for the second Date Night Movie  
 **Miles:** I'm genuinely scared  
 **Bass:** I hope you picked a better movie this time, Jem. Is it gay porn? Is it Three Dudes One Hat?  
 **Miles:** Ew  
 **Jeremy:** No, it's Ghostbusters  
 **Bass:** Four dudes two chicks  
 **Jeremy:** ...  
 **Miles:** There is something wrong with you  
 **Jeremy:** Okay, I'm going to start with the rules  
 **Miles:** I want that on record  
 **Bass:** Which one of us?  
 **Jeremy:** 1\. Drink when you see a ghost  
 **Jeremy:** 2\. Drink when there's science  
 **Jeremy:** 3\. Drink when Peter hits on a bitch  
 **Jeremy:** 4\. Drink when someone does something fucking stupid  
 **Miles:** Jem, of course  
 **Bass:** Drink because playing this game is fucking stupid  
 **Jeremy:** 5\. Drink when Busting Makes You Feel Good  
 **Miles:** There had better not be dudes in metal bikinis in this one  
 **Miles:** What the fuck?  
 **Bass:** Fuck but I hate you sometimes  
 **Jeremy:** 6\. Drink when you rock out to the music  
 **Jeremy:** 7\. Drink to CGI  
 **Jeremy:** 8\. Drink when you want to say 'fuck'  
 **Bass:** I am vetoing rule 8  
 **Miles:** Done and done!  
 **Bass:** Because I like my liver to remain within my body  
 **Bass:** Not expelled through my anus  
 **Miles:** Nah, you don't need it  
 **Jeremy:** Fine, spoilsport, we'll drink to fucks  
 **Miles:** Score  
 **Miles:** 9\. Drink when Jeremy is in trouble for making us watch weird shit again  
 **Miles:** 10\. Drink when you're glad you survived the 80s  
 **Miles:** 11\. Drink when you wish you hadn't survived the 80s  
 **Miles:** And I am serious about the metal bikini thing  
 **Miles:** If this movie has dudes in metal bikinis, there are going to be consequences  
 **Jeremy:** I don't remember any metal bikinis  
 **Jeremy:** What about chicks in metal bikinis?  
 **Jeremy:** You like boobs, remember?  
 **Bass:** He likes ME more than boobs  
 **Bass:** And no I will not wear a metal bikini  
 **Bass:** So shall we start before   
**Bass:** I do something you regret  
 **Miles:** I am going to start drinking to cope with this conversation  
 **Bass:** That is how you handle life, Miles  
 **Miles:** Yes  
 **Jeremy:** Okay, who has the power?  
 **Miles:** Yes it is  
 **Miles:** DO NOT GO THERE  
 **Jeremy:** I WENT THERE  
 **Jeremy:** MAKE IT SO  
 **Miles:** You are in so much trouble  
 **Bass:** How did I get landed with you two  
 **Miles:** I think it was Ben's fault  
 **Bass:** Weirdly haunting melody  
 **Miles:** Ominous  
 **Bass:** Okay so it's a library  
 **Bass:** Something bad is going to happen  
 **Miles:** Yep  
 **Miles:** Definitely  
 **Bass:** Will they open a book of evil  
 **Miles:** Probably  
 **Bass:** She looks too wholesome  
 **Miles:** They often have those  
 **Miles:** Yeah  
 **Bass:** OOOO  
 **Miles:** The fuck?  
 **Bass:** Floating books, CGI  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Bass:** Dude it's about ghosts  
 **Jeremy:** Yeah did you forget the name already  
 **Miles:** Oh right, 'cause I totally didn't get that...  
 **Jeremy:** See how they build it up slowly  
 **Jeremy:** Books then cards then screaming  
 **Miles:** It's still less fucked up than the metal bikini thing  
 **Jeremy:** Lots of CGI  
 **Miles:** Well, so far  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Bass:** It's only just started  
 **Bass:** Act woman act  
 **Miles:** Wait, didn't they used to play this at discos..?  
 **Jeremy:** SING THE SONG AND DRINK  
 **Miles:** I am NOT singing  
 **Jeremy:** Showing your age there Miles  
 **Jeremy:** Look at his hair  
 **Miles:** QUIET, Captain  
 **Jeremy:** If you watch, Mr Fro is one out each time  
 **Miles:** You have seen this one too many times as well  
 **Bass:** I think this counts as hitting on  
 **Miles:** Oh, creative  
 **Bass:** On both of them  
 **Miles:** Threesome!  
 **Bass:** I wish I had one of those  
 **Miles:** Well, when Ben turns the power back on...  
 **Jeremy:** I am not up for this  
 **Miles:** You so are  
 **Jeremy:** There are better things to do with power  
 **Bass:** Volunteer or pay... which  
 **Miles:** Oh, science  
 **Bass:** WOOO  
 **Bass:** I like this guy  
 **Bass:** He's got balls  
 **Bass:** But he's not going to get laid  
 **Miles:** ...you worry me sometimes  
 **Jeremy:** This is bad science  
 **Miles:** Oh it's so retro  
 **Jeremy:** Really bad science  
 **Bass:** Cockblocked  
 **Miles:** You are no way going to last that long  
 **Bass:** You think you'll last an hour with her???  
 **Bass:** What?  
 **Bass:** Socks?  
 **Jeremy:** He's talking science  
 **Miles:** I don't think his heart is in science  
 **Bass:** The fuck is a Spangle  
 **Miles:** I don't understand any of this  
 **Jeremy:** Spengler  
 **Bass:** Oh, smooth  
 **Miles:** Oh that's a line  
 **Miles:** The FUCK?  
 **Bass:** Sponge... vibration  
 **Jeremy:** Science  
 **Bass:** You can't just keep saying science  
 **Miles:** Oh look, another threesome  
 **Bass:** Vibrating sponges????? WTF  
 **Bass:** What the hell, head drilling?!?!?!  
 **Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY SAYING?  
 **Bass:** Igor?  
 **Jeremy:** Egon!  
 **Bass:** Did it have tentacles?  
 **Miles:** BASS!  
 **Miles:** ...yeah, she's crazy  
 **Bass:** Yes?  
 **Miles:** NO TENTACLES  
 **Bass:** You should be using drugs, stimulants and alco--  
 **Bass:** YOU DON'T ASK WOMEN THAT  
 **Bass:** THAT GETS YOU KILLED  
 **Miles:** IT REALLY DOES  
 **Bass:** EVEN IF YOU ARE A SCIENTIST  
 **Miles:** BAD SCIENTIST  
 **Jeremy:** Even I know you don't ask them if they're.... you know  
 **Miles:** OMINOUS MUSIC  
 **Jeremy:** Thing  
 **Miles:** Drink!  
 **Bass:** Oh look it's Ben as a ghost  
 **Bass:** He probably alphabetised them  
 **Jeremy:** Hot physically or sexually?  
 **Miles:** They get excited about the weirdest things  
 **Miles:** EW  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Miles:** THE FUCK?  
 **Bass:** THE  
 **Bass:** SOMETHING CAME ON THE BOOKS  
 **Bass:** ECTOWHAT?  
 **Miles:** GHOSTLUBE  
 **Jeremy:** Yes Peter put your fingers in the goo  
 **Jeremy:** I bet you're used to it  
 **Miles:** JEREMY WHY ARE WE WATCHING FUCKED-UP PORN AGAIN?  
 **Jeremy:** Stop dirtying the books with the ghostlube  
 **Bass:** Shouldn't that be bolted to the...  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Miles:** The set is trying to kill them  
 **Bass:** Yes it's the first time a book shelf tried to come on me  
 **Bass:** I normally don't sex libraries  
 **Miles:** I think maybe the nerdy one does  
 **Miles:** OH CGI  
 **Miles:** Drink!  
 **Jeremy:** Awww got to love the tricorder  
 **Jeremy:** Ghost!  
 **Miles:** DRINK DAMN YOU  
 **Bass:** How do they not have a plan  
 **Bass:** They found a ghost and they don't have a plan  
 **Bass:** Aren't they Ghostbusters?  
 **Bass:** What the everliving fuck?  
 **Bass:** Oh no don't send Peter  
 **Bass:** He will hit on her  
 **Jeremy:** And that's necrophilia  
 **Miles:** WHAT IS HAPPENING?  
 **Miles:** Creepy  
 **Jeremy:** Yes it's a library  
 **Miles:** Oh he has a plan  
 **Jeremy:** So of course she wants them to be quiet  
 **Miles:** About time!  
 **Miles:** I wonder what the plan is  
 **Bass:** 'GET HER'?  
 **Bass:** ALSO WTF  
 **Miles:** ...YOUR PLAN SUCKS  
 **Bass:** WAS THAT  
 **Bass:** Hahaha I bet they wet themselves  
 **Miles:** Seriously these guys are useless  
 **Bass:** Ghostsuckbusters  
 **Bass:** ...he got over excited  
 **Miles:** OVER-EXCITED BY THE GHOSTLUBE  
 **Jeremy:** They touched the etheric plane  
 **Miles:** What will you do with it then?  
 **Bass:** See now they have some plan about the words with the things  
 **Bass:** Yes Igor you look serious  
 **Bass:** Did he give him a condom  
 **Miles:** Awww they made up  
 **Jeremy:** I think it was chocolate  
 **Jeremy:** Look a plot twist  
 **Miles:** Oh no, trauma  
 **Bass:** THE KIDS LOVE US?  
 **Miles:** They have UNIVERSITY FUNDING?!  
 **Bass:** STOP SCREWING KIDS  
 **Miles:** For GHOSTBUSTING?  
 **Jeremy:** Yes he's using academic money to hit on ladies  
 **Bass:** OH BURN  
 **Bass:** ACADEMIC BURN  
 **Bass:** YOU ARE A POOR SCIENTIST  
 **Bass:** THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU'RE A FUCKWITTED DUMBSHIT WHO FUCKS SHEEP  
 **Miles:** YES, RESULTS  
 **Miles:** This is how people operate  
 **Jeremy:** And he's drinking in the middle of the day  
 **Miles:** I like him more now  
 **Jeremy:** Listen to the speech  
 **Bass:** Business?  
 **Miles:** Music swells...  
 **Bass:** Doing what?  
 **Miles:** He doesn't use real words  
 **Bass:** Echo containment what?  
 **Miles:** They are all made up  
 **Miles:** Most people are born in hospitals  
 **Bass:** I bet that was a lot of money then  
 **Bass:** He's thinking about the toy range  
 **Miles:** BUT IT HAS A POLE!  
 **Jeremy:** Yes of course bring Egon to check... ooo demilitarised zone  
 **Bass:** Does this pole still work?  
 **Bass:** YOU GOTTA TRY THIS POLE?  
 **Bass:** WHEN DO POLES STOP WORKING  
 **Bass:** HE WANTS A SLEEPOVER  
 **Miles:** I like that one  
 **Miles:** He is completely unhinged  
 **Jeremy:** You would do  
 **Miles:** Fuck I need more alcohol  
 **Miles:** A LOT more  
 **Jeremy:** Drink to gargoyles  
 **Bass:** Wait is that the Alien chick  
 **Bass:** With huge hair  
 **Bass:** Where the fuck does she live?  
 **Miles:** A midget is harassing her  
 **Jeremy:** More... vitamins...  
 **Miles:** He doesn't use real words either  
 **Jeremy:** He's an accountant  
 **Jeremy:** It explains a lot  
 **Miles:** It really does  
 **Bass:** And  
 **Bass:** He   
**Miles:** Aren't they like fifty floors up?  
 **Bass:** Tried to break into her room  
 **Miles:** FRIENDZONED  
 **Bass:** Way oversharing  
 **Bass:** Hahah  
 **Bass:** Troubled by strange noises... those are Miles  
 **Miles:** QUIET  
 **Bass:** Oh look they have a uniform  
 **Jeremy:** Celery  
 **Miles:** How much hair does that woman need?  
 **Jeremy:** No cucumbers  
 **Jeremy:** Oh look  
 **Jeremy:** Eggs  
 **Miles:** Oh look creepy again  
 **Bass:** What the  
 **Bass:** Fuck  
 **Miles:** Now the eggs are coming or something  
 **Bass:** Why are the eggs coming over her table  
 **Miles:** RUN  
 **Jeremy:** It's eldritch  
 **Miles:** RUN WOMAN  
 **Jeremy:** Listen to the roar  
 **Miles:** It's what the fuck now?  
 **Bass:** DON'T LOOK INSIDE  
 **Miles:** THAT ISN'T NORMAL  
 **Bass:** What the fuck  
 **Bass:** Even my fridge didn't do that  
 **Bass:** OH LOOK   
**Miles:** Oh they have a car now  
 **Bass:** WHEELS  
 **Miles:** Or a hearse or something  
 **Jeremy:** You have to love it  
 **Miles:** ...it's fucked, science man  
 **Jeremy:** At least they know what's broken with it  
 **Miles:** That woman has the largest glasses in the world  
 **Miles:** EVERYTHING IS BROKEN  
 **Jeremy:** Look at the computer screen  
 **Jeremy:** Type something... we're paying  
 **Miles:** He is never getting laid  
 **Miles:** Ever  
 **Bass:** She'll write porn  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Bass:** IS  
 **Bass:** HE  
 **Miles:** OH WAIT  
 **Bass:** DOING  
 **Bass:** Wow  
 **Miles:** THE NERDY ONE  
 **Miles:** IS UNDER THE DESK  
 **Bass:** Never trust the nerdy ones  
 **Bass:** Peter hahaha you don't have Igor's game  
 **Miles:** ...there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM  
 **Bass:** She's asking about your wrist action  
 **Jeremy:** Spores moulds and fungus is not a normal come on  
 **Miles:** OH here comes the love interest  
 **Miles:** NOTHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE IS NORMAL  
 **Miles:** DRINK MORE  
 **Miles:** FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK  
 **Bass:** With her hair  
 **Bass:** MEERCAT  
 **Bass:** POP UP  
 **Miles:** HOT CHICK ALERT  
 **Bass:** LOOK  
 **Bass:** A WOMAN  
 **Bass:** MY DICK SAYS HI  
 **Bass:** HELLO  
 **Bass:** HI  
 **Bass:** I HAVE A DICK  
 **Bass:** YOU HAVE A HOLE  
 **Miles:** WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE  
 **Jeremy:** Where has she been living  
 **Miles:** WHERE ARE YOU SLEEPING?  
 **Jeremy:** Did he just lie detect her?  
 **Miles:** I fear so  
 **Bass:** Dude if they want to pay you  
 **Miles:** USE REAL WORDS  
 **Bass:** Don't doubt her  
 **Miles:** MAKE THEM USE REAL WORDS  
 **Bass:** Why did you go to Ghostbusters  
 **Miles:** Nerdy and Weird are like, the fuck?  
 **Bass:** if you don't believe in ghosts  
 **Miles:** And Randy is like, HAIR LADY  
 **Bass:** There is a Wikipedia for ghosts?  
 **Miles:** SUBTLE  
 **Jeremy:** Freudian SLAP  
 **Jeremy:** I'll check out her tits  
 **Jeremy:** I mean fridge  
 **Jeremy:** I mean eggs  
 **Jeremy:** Love eggs  
 **Miles:** OMINOUS AGAIN  
 **Bass:** You want it to happen to you first?  
 **Bass:** Okay, bend over  
 **Bass:** IN THE CLOSET  
 **Miles:** HE HAS A MAGIC STICK  
 **Bass:** She knows  
 **Miles:** WHAT IS HE DOING WITH IT?  
 **Bass:** Stop that  
 **Jeremy:** Playing the piano is a well known way to annoy ghosts  
 **Bass:** He's  
 **Bass:** Playing with a penis enhancer  
 **Miles:** It's some kind of PROBE  
 **Miles:** Oh it's a TOY, riiiiiiiiight  
 **Bass:** I'm making my dick bigger  
 **Miles:** Welcome To Entendre Central  
 **Jeremy:** Nothing ever happened in the bedroom  
 **Jeremy:** You're good at lines too lady  
 **Jeremy:** Scientists are STIFF?  
 **Bass:** He just said he was limp  
 **Miles:** They're perfect for each other  
 **Bass:** No  
 **Miles:** Anyone for eggs?  
 **Bass:** These are other eggs  
 **Miles:** MORE EGGS APPEARED  
 **Bass:** Yes check the fridge  
 **Miles:** Probe it!  
 **Miles:** Probe it good!  
 **Bass:** With your penis enhancer  
 **Jeremy:** Full fat coke  
 **Jeremy:** It's a woman's fridge  
 **Jeremy:** It has tupperware  
 **Miles:** How does one woman need that much food?  
 **Jeremy:** I heard a voice  
 **Jeremy:** From my salad crisper  
 **Miles:** USE YOUR STICK RIGHT  
 **Bass:** Yes I am using my probe right  
 **Bass:** I'm going to probe animals  
 **Miles:** Or both  
 **Bass:** Product  
 **Bass:** Placement  
 **Bass:** Nothing else in my life  
 **Jeremy:** You aren't getting any tonight Peter  
 **Miles:** The fuck is with this guy?  
 **Bass:** He's... in love... with ....  
 **Bass:** What...  
 **Miles:** YOU MET HER TEN MINUTES AGO  
 **Jeremy:** Lady, he's not the one  
 **Miles:** STALKER  
 **Jeremy:** He's a psycho  
 **Miles:** YOU HAVE A STALKER  
 **Miles:** A SCIENCE STALKER  
 **Bass:** Pete Venkman is the man who ticks me  
 **Bass:** He sends me ticking parcels  
 **Miles:** Lock the door, Hair Lady  
 **Bass:** And dirty panties  
 **Jeremy:** Our only customer because you say you love them  
 **Jeremy:** Oh look  
 **Jeremy:** Someone needs them for work  
 **Miles:** Now they can buy more Chinese food  
 **Bass:** They have no money because they spent it all on poles  
 **Miles:** USE THE POLE  
 **Miles:** USE IT GOOD  
 **Bass:** Ride that pole  
 **Bass:** Igor looks sad  
 **Bass:** ECTO-1  
 **Miles:** NERD ALERT  
 **Jeremy:** Now that's a ride  
 **Miles:** NERD ALERT  
 **Jeremy:** Look at the top of it  
 **Miles:** NO IT IS NOT  
 **Jeremy:** Shut up  
 **Jeremy:** It's the best car other than Fab 1  
 **Miles:** WARNING NERDS  
 **Jeremy:** Or the Batmobile  
 **Miles:** He is the King of Subtle  
 **Bass:** Wow  
 **Bass:** Those outfits  
 **Bass:** What are they wearing  
 **Miles:** Touching  
 **Miles:** Touching  
 **Bass:** Did you ever report it  
 **Miles:** Stop touching the man  
 **Bass:** WHO TO  
 **Miles:** "Help, there is a ghost in my hotel"  
 **Jeremy:** I'm gonna touch the man  
 **Jeremy:** I'm gonna touch him  
 **Jeremy:** Give me the man  
 **Jeremy:** He's mine  
 **Miles:** "Please don't send men in white coats"  
 **Miles:** STOP TOUCHING THE MAN  
 **Jeremy:** Touchy touchy  
 **Bass:** Astronaut  
 **Miles:** I don't blame you, man  
 **Bass:** Okay they have a cover story  
 **Bass:** But they have ghosts all over their uniform  
 **Miles:** Is that safe?  
 **Miles:** SWITCH ME ON  
 **Bass:** A NUCLEAR ACCELERATOR  
 **Bass:** Is that... SWITCH ME ON  
 **Jeremy:** Vshoom  
 **Miles:** TOUCHING  
 **Jeremy:** I'm so turned on right now  
 **Miles:** LIFT TOUCHING  
 **Miles:** JEREMY!  
 **Jeremy:** WHAT  
 **Jeremy:** OH GOD  
 **Jeremy:** THE NOISE  
 **Jeremy:** IT'S LIKE  
 **Jeremy:** SEX  
 **Bass:** HAHAH  
 **Miles:** LASERS  
 **Bass:** They came fire on the cleaning lady  
 **Bass:** They came too soon  
 **Miles:** Someone else?!  
 **Jeremy:** I might  
 **Jeremy:** Need some alone time  
 **Miles:** Never split up! Don't you watch TV?  
 **Bass:** Jeremy  
 **Miles:** JEREMY  
 **Bass:** Why does that sound turn you on  
 **Miles:** You sick fuck  
 **Jeremy:** It just does okay  
 **Miles:** Wait  
 **Miles:** Wait  
 **Jeremy:** GHOST  
 **Miles:** What  
 **Miles:** Is  
 **Miles:** That  
 **Miles:** THING  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Miles:** FUCK  
 **Jeremy:** Slimer  
 **Bass:** How can a ghost eat food  
 **Bass:** Aim better  
 **Bass:** You dumb shit  
 **Miles:** Oh more ghostlube  
 **Bass:** Oh it went through a wall  
 **Miles:** It's a ghost  
 **Bass:** That looked expensive  
 **Bass:** IGOR  
 **Bass:** STOP WANDING MEN  
 **Miles:** I think they can do that  
 **Jeremy:** Look at the gloves  
 **Miles:** Oh, hit on it, Peter  
 **Jeremy:** Oh look  
 **Miles:** Hit on it!  
 **Miles:** It might go away  
 **Bass:** I'm sue he will  
 **Miles:** Everyone else does  
 **Bass:** He made eyes at him  
 **Miles:** IT WILL  
 **Miles:** IT WILL HURT YOU  
 **Bass:** CHARGE  
 **Bass:** OH NO  
 **Miles:** RUN  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Bass:** GO SAVE HIM  
 **Bass:** HAHAHAHA  
 **Miles:** THE FUCK  
 **Bass:** IT CAME ON HIM  
 **Bass:** IT SLIMED HIM  
 **Miles:** GHOSTLUBE  
 **Miles:** FUNKY?!  
 **Jeremy:** Actual physical contact  
 **Bass:** Funky or spunky  
 **Miles:** What the fuck is this?  
 **Bass:** SAVE SOME FOR ME  
 **Bass:** OMG  
 **Bass:** THEY ARE ALL DOING IT  
 **Miles:** JEREMY WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?!  
 **Jeremy:** Peter/Slimer OTP  
 **Jeremy:** Er  
 **Jeremy:** It's a movie about love and science  
 **Miles:** You are going to pay for that, Captain  
 **Miles:** It's mad  
 **Jeremy:** See this looks expensive  
 **Miles:** Look at it  
 **Jeremy:** ...for what  
 **Miles:** He made it mad  
 **Bass:** Peter wants revenge  
 **Bass:** Oops  
 **Miles:** It sounds expensive too  
 **Bass:** I don't think you should shoot that  
 **Miles:** THE FUCK  
 **Bass:** WAIT  
 **Bass:** Why did you not say that 'til now  
 **Bass:** Fuzzy on good/bad?  
 **Miles:** Is this another porn thing?  
 **Miles:** ...that sounds bad  
 **Miles:** USE REAL WORDS  
 **Jeremy:** Yes, if you do it, the world ends  
 **Jeremy:** And no more sex  
 **Jeremy:** So don't cross the streams  
 **Miles:** SHOOT BETTER, NERDS  
 **Bass:** This CGI is so bad  
 **Miles:** DRINK!  
 **Bass:** Also  
 **Bass:** Dudes  
 **Miles:** Oh he is so turned on right now  
 **Bass:** They are shooting from the hip  
 **Jeremy:** Yes, I am  
 **Miles:** Yes, break everything  
 **Miles:** That will help  
 **Jeremy:** More drink  
 **Jeremy:** The flowers are standing, the room is on fire  
 **Bass:** Never slime a guy with a WHAT  
 **Bass:** Don't do the thing  
 **Bass:** I did the thing  
 **Bass:** Wait  
 **Bass:** What  
 **Bass:** How is his love in the box  
 **Bass:** I thought it was going to be a beautiful love story of a man and green lube  
 **Miles:** NOW WE HAVE SEX ON THE BROKEN TABLES  
 **Jeremy:** We came we saw we sexed it  
 **Miles:** He admits they came  
 **Jeremy:** Full roaming vapour  
 **Jeremy:** Isn't that Miles after a chilli  
 **Miles:** CAPTAIN  
 **Miles:** You are going to suffer  
 **Miles:** In a way you will not enjoy  
 **Bass:** This looks like a protection racket  
 **Bass:** Pay us or we let ghosts go  
 **Miles:** It IS a protection racket!  
 **Jeremy:** Hahah photobomb  
 **Jeremy:** MONTAGE  
 **Jeremy:** ROCK OUT  
 **Miles:** It's the song again  
 **Jeremy:** COCK OUT  
 **Miles:** I am not rocking out  
 **Miles:** I am drinking  
 **Jeremy:** Newspaper montage!  
 **Jeremy:** So period!  
 **Jeremy:** TIME  
 **Miles:** Oh it's so retro  
 **Bass:** Yes, they probably invented ghosts as a money  
 **Bass:** Thing  
 **Bass:** Shit I'm a bit drunk  
 **Miles:** You should be MORE drunk  
 **Miles:** I am more drunk  
 **Miles:** It helps  
 **Miles:** Oh they had an orgy  
 **Jeremy:** And they danced with ladies  
 **Jeremy:** It's a cover story  
 **Miles:** A MIST WITH ARMS AND LEGS  
 **Bass:** One big question  
 **Miles:** That doesn't sound good  
 **Bass:** Elvis is fine  
 **Miles:** Still dead  
 **Bass:** Wait... Ghostdiet?  
 **Bass:** OH LOOK  
 **Bass:** GHOSTSEX  
 **Miles:** Oh look, ghost hookers  
 **Miles:** Wait  
 **Miles:** Wait  
 **Bass:** It stopp.... no it didn't stop  
 **Miles:** What  
 **Bass:** WHY  
 **Miles:** It did  
 **Bass:** ARE  
 **Bass:** WE WATCHING  
 **Miles:** It did  
 **Bass:** GHOST PORN  
 **Miles:** THIS IS PORN JEREMY  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Jeremy:** Look it's Token the Black  
 **Miles:** They are covered in lube again  
 **Bass:** I'll believe in you paying my ass  
 **Bass:** Aw they made a friend  
 **Bass:** He's the bitch  
 **Bass:** Look they have hair twins  
 **Miles:** Hold on, I need to go talk to my stalker  
 **Jeremy:** Hello lady  
 **Miles:** He stalks me  
 **Jeremy:** I want lady sex with you lady  
 **Miles:** I haven't called the police though  
 **Miles:** Because I am STUPID  
 **Miles:** OH REALLY  
 **Jeremy:** Yes you love being abused  
 **Jeremy:** You self abuse too  
 **Miles:** You like being abused?  
 **Bass:** He does like electricity  
 **Bass:** Oh look  
 **Miles:** This is true  
 **Miles:** And probes  
 **Bass:** The other guy is more stiff  
 **Miles:** And ghostlube  
 **Miles:** But he can't read  
 **Bass:** How can he not read his own research  
 **Miles:** Is this guy a scientist or not?  
 **Jeremy:** Good question  
 **Miles:** DRINKING YOUR COKE  
 **Jeremy:** Why is a god in my icebox  
 **Bass:** I have things to do with people  
 **Jeremy:** I respect you as a girl  
 **Jeremy:** We have nothing in common  
 **Jeremy:** My hair is non existent  
 **Jeremy:** I don't play music  
 **Miles:** He is not a scientist  
 **Miles:** He can't read  
 **Jeremy:** I'm just going to scream abuse in the street like a crazy man  
 **Miles:** But he runs the protection racket so people can't stop him  
 **Bass:** How did anyone work out how to trap ghosts  
 **Bass:** Oh look there's a poem  
 **Bass:** The light is green the bitch will scream  
 **Miles:** Peck  
 **Miles:** That man is called Peck  
 **Jeremy:** I'm pleased to meet you why am I covered in lube  
 **Miles:** This is just too easy  
 **Miles:** SCIENCE  
 **Miles:** He is a doctor of SCIENCE  
 **Bass:** DOCTOR OF PENIS  
 **Miles:** But he can't read  
 **Bass:** Parrot Psychology  
 **Bass:** He can't count either  
 **Jeremy:** In my pants  
 **Miles:** IN A BOX  
 **Jeremy:** I put them in my pants  
 **Miles:** WITH THE LUBE  
 **Bass:** Use lube to fit more in  
 **Bass:** You didn't use the magic word?  
 **Bass:** WHAT THE FUCK  
 **Miles:** Oh look they are playing kinky power games  
 **Bass:** IS IT A SAFEWORD  
 **Jeremy:** Please show me your slimy box  
 **Jeremy:** OH LOOK  
 **Miles:** I WANT TO SEE THE LUBE  
 **Jeremy:** HE HAS A STALKER TOO NOW  
 **Bass:** They have nuclear reactors  
 **Miles:** Only little ones  
 **Bass:** I would not be surprised if the lube was dangerous  
 **Miles:** I think it probably is  
 **Jeremy:** What do you mean big?  
 **Bass:** A twinkie 25 ft long?  
 **Bass:** That's a big penis  
 **Bass:** I mean twinkie  
 **Miles:** EAT THE TWINKIE  
 **Miles:** EAT IT, NERDY  
 **Bass:** Let the cream squeeze out  
 **Bass:** TELL HIM ABOUT THE TWINKIE  
 **Jeremy:** Gargoyles  
 **Miles:** OK that can't be good  
 **Jeremy:** Oh no look  
 **Miles:** Definitely not good  
 **Miles:** Not good  
 **Jeremy:** The styrofoam is breaking  
 **Miles:** THE MIDGET  
 **Miles:** He stalks her too  
 **Bass:** That party looks good for an accountant  
 **Bass:** You hurt... no you didn't  
 **Miles:** THE MIDGET WANTS A THREESOME  
 **Miles:** TWISTER  
 **Miles:** BREAK-DANCING  
 **Bass:** Naked twister  
 **Miles:** This guy is wrong in the head!  
 **Bass:** Naked breakdancing  
 **Jeremy:** He's right!  
 **Miles:** Oh something bad is going to happen  
 **Jeremy:** Hi Mom  
 **Jeremy:** My stalker is stalking me  
 **Jeremy:** Oh I was only ONE TIME   
**Bass:** One time what, a lesbian?  
 **Bass:** She has to explain she KNOWS her date  
 **Bass:** Dude  
 **Bass:** She's a slut  
 **Miles:** This chick needs help  
 **Miles:** ...oh literally  
 **Jeremy:** Ooooo glowing door  
 **Miles:** That CAN'T be good  
 **Miles:** Run  
 **Miles:** RUN  
 **Miles:** RUN!  
 **Jeremy:** Her hair is better tied up  
 **Jeremy:** A FACE IN THE  
 **Jeremy:** DOOR  
 **Bass:** HER COUCH IS RAPING HER  
 **Bass:** WHAT THE   
**Bass:** DEMON DOGGY  
 **Bass:** IS GOING TO SEX HER  
 **Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED  
 **Miles:** THIS IS FUCKED UP  
 **Bass:** JEREMY  
 **Miles:** JEREMY!  
 **Jeremy:** In case you didn't realise it was the gargoyle  
 **Bass:** Aceta what?  
 **Bass:** He's a drug dealer  
 **Bass:** Wow  
 **Bass:** Brie at room temperature  
 **Miles:** This guy needs to get laid  
 **Bass:** Wow  
 **Bass:** If we start dancing...  
 **Bass:** And her boobs  
 **Miles:** MORE NERDS  
 **Bass:** Very mobile  
 **Miles:** This is the saddest party ever  
 **Bass:** How does he have a cute blonde there  
 **Miles:** WHAT THE FUCK  
 **Jeremy:** Your closet growled  
 **Jeremy:** BAD CGI  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Miles:** DRINK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE  
 **Jeremy:** RUN  
 **Jeremy:** RUN  
 **Miles:** That isn't a bear, midget  
 **Bass:** See he reacts normally  
 **Miles:** That's pure evil  
 **Miles:** This is true  
 **Bass:** Next...tenants' meeting  
 **Miles:** At least it didn't molest him  
 **Bass:** If you live that long  
 **Miles:** Why does no one blink?  
 **Jeremy:** Oh dear  
 **Miles:** Oh maybe it will eat him  
 **Jeremy:** Doggy doesn't want a milk bone  
 **Jeremy:** Look he brought flowers  
 **Bass:** Srs bsns  
 **Miles:** Is is a bear or a cougar?  
 **Bass:** Brown suit  
 **Bass:** Just no  
 **Miles:** USE REAL WORDS  
 **Bass:** I bring cougars to all my parties  
 **Miles:** Oh now she went all hooker  
 **Miles:** THE WHAT?  
 **Bass:** Yeah that is a different look  
 **Jeremy:** Keymaster  
 **Jeremy:** You know  
 **Jeremy:** Keys in holes  
 **Miles:** IS SHE ASKING ABOUT THE BUTTPLUG?  
 **Bass:** She just asked that  
 **Miles:** IS IT A CROSSOVER?  
 **Bass:** Why doesn't she remember  
 **Jeremy:** See, Zool  
 **Jeremy:** She's roleplaying  
 **Miles:** More ghostlube  
 **Bass:** Gozer's gonna come  
 **Bass:** In me  
 **Bass:** I love it when Gozer comes in me  
 **Jeremy:** You're not even going out  
 **Jeremy:** Stalking is not dating  
 **Miles:** This is very fucked up  
 **Jeremy:** Yes he wants that body  
 **Miles:** Oh, KINKY  
 **Bass:** Jeremy see all you needed to do was buy roses  
 **Bass:** So he doesn't... wait what  
 **Bass:** Inside her?  
 **Miles:** THIS IS FUCKED UP  
 **Bass:** THIS IS PORN  
 **Bass:** TWO PEOPLE INSIDE ALREADY  
 **Jeremy:** S/he wants a threesome  
 **Miles:** So NOW he doesn't want sex?  
 **Jeremy:** Put your hands on your chest  
 **Jeremy:** Boobs  
 **Bass:** Who is he calling a nutjob  
 **Bass:** Maybe it's MPD... wait what  
 **Miles:** OK that's freakish  
 **Jeremy:** That's Zool  
 **Jeremy:** Real trouble  
 **Jeremy:** I'll have to bottom  
 **Jeremy:** Now we know where Joss got floaty lesbians from  
 **Bass:** What the fuck  
 **Bass:** Why is the woman floating and rotating like a spit  
 **Bass:** Also  
 **Bass:** He just looked up her dress  
 **Miles:** "Please come down"  
 **Miles:** Fuck that's just sad  
 **Miles:** Poor science man  
 **Miles:** He's had a hair upgrade too  
 **Jeremy:** HE IS TALKING TO LAMBO  
 **Miles:** Not good  
 **Bass:** The horse knows what's going on  
 **Bass:** Wait  
 **Miles:** "You will perish in flame"?  
 **Bass:** Are horses possessed ghosts or something  
 **Miles:** I've got to remember that one...  
 **Jeremy:** Look we found a nutjob  
 **Jeremy:** You're a nutjob  
 **Jeremy:** Talk to the nutjob  
 **Miles:** Take our nutjob  
 **Bass:** Wow look at her skirt  
 **Miles:** We don't want him  
 **Bass:** Igor, chick is hitting on you  
 **Miles:** HE HAS A PAN ON HIS HEAD  
 **Bass:** Vince.... very Sumerian name  
 **Bass:** Oh god  
 **Bass:** He's a sub too  
 **Jeremy:** It's common  
 **Bass:** The rectifwhat?  
 **Miles:** WHY WON'T ANY OF THESE PEOPLE USE REAL WORDS?!  
 **Jeremy:** He's possessed by Santa  
 **Miles:** ...Igor, quickie?  
 **Jeremy:** Popcorn  
 **Miles:** Hold me  
 **Miles:** Let us have sex before you die  
 **Bass:** You're going to die, the man rubbing pizza on his face will kill you  
 **Bass:** So sex me  
 **Miles:** With your nerdy nerdy chest  
 **Bass:** Sex my lady parts good  
 **Bass:** Wait  
 **Bass:** HE  
 **Miles:** They totally did it  
 **Bass:** HAD SEX  
 **Bass:** WITH  
 **Bass:** HER  
 **Miles:** They TOTALLY did it  
 **Jeremy:** He had sex with Zool  
 **Jeremy:** That's rape  
 **Miles:** WAIT  
 **Miles:** The Keymaster and the Gatekeeper  
 **Bass:** I don't think they should get together  
 **Miles:** THIS IS A SEX THING  
 **Jeremy:** He's pimping her out  
 **Jeremy:** Yes  
 **Miles:** I NEED RAY  
 **Jeremy:** Phallic thing in hole thing  
 **Miles:** WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND  
 **Jeremy:** He's sexy talking his rohypnoled possessed girlfriend  
 **Bass:** I met God  
 **Bass:** He came to the bar  
 **Bass:** He got a round in for everyone  
 **Bass:** Oh not the Bible  
 **Miles:** Oh it's getting religious  
 **Jeremy:** It's Supernatural  
 **Jeremy:** And both of them can quote it  
 **Miles:** THE WORLD IS ENDING GUYS  
 **Jeremy:** I am amused they both smoke  
 **Miles:** It is the past  
 **Bass:** Let's have sex  
 **Bass:** Put some Zep on  
 **Bass:** What the shit  
 **Miles:** Mood music  
 **Miles:** That is not Zep  
 **Jeremy:** It's sexy fun time music  
 **Miles:** You can't have sex to that  
 **Miles:** MEN IN SUITS  
 **Jeremy:** You could but it would be less fun  
 **Jeremy:** Than Smack My Bitch Up  
 **Miles:** OMINOUS MEN IN SUITS  
 **Bass:** WE ARE NOT SEXING TO SMACK MY BITCH UP  
 **Miles:** JEREMY  
 **Jeremy:** Lady in Red?  
 **Miles:** YOU ARE IN TROUBLE AGAIN  
 **Bass:** JEREMY YOU ARE NOT GETTING SEXES  
 **Miles:** You're an environmental officer  
 **Jeremy:** Interfering with a police officer heheh  
 **Miles:** You can't arrest her  
 **Miles:** Kick him in the balls  
 **Bass:** He has a policeman with him  
 **Bass:** Who isn't paid to talk  
 **Miles:** Yes, let's break everything  
 **Bass:** LISTEN TO IGOR  
 **Miles:** HE IS THE SMART ONE  
 **Miles:** NONE OF THE WORDS HE USES ARE REAL  
 **Jeremy:** Look he's being all brave  
 **Jeremy:** Officer if this is about the rohypnol  
 **Miles:** Oh oh he's a pushy sub  
 **Bass:** Don't do the thing  
 **Bass:** Do the thing  
 **Bass:** YOU CAN SHOOT HIM?!  
 **Miles:** Boom  
 **Jeremy:** Don't do the thing  
 **Jeremy:** Do the thing  
 **Miles:** Watch them edge towards the... oh fuck  
 **Miles:** They broke it  
 **Jeremy:** Klaxons  
 **Miles:** That can't be good  
 **Bass:** Way to go hero  
 **Miles:** It's broken  
 **Miles:** Science is happening!  
 **Bass:** You know  
 **Miles:** RUN  
 **Bass:** You could just put an alarm in and flashy red lights  
 **Miles:** RUN FROM SCIENCE  
 **Bass:** And anyone would be like it's bad  
 **Bass:** But really it's a flashy box  
 **Bass:** Er  
 **Bass:** Okay they exploded the building and popcorn rained down  
 **Miles:** ...drink?  
 **Jeremy:** The building just came  
 **Miles:** EVERYTHING IS COMING  
 **Jeremy:** A big red glowing red rod  
 **Jeremy:** It is the end of days  
 **Miles:** Yes, let the maniac wander off  
 **Jeremy:** He stopped the protection we're all pregnant  
 **Miles:** Shout  
 **Miles:** Shouty man  
 **Bass:** Igor got pissy  
 **Jeremy:** Music  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Jeremy:** The guy singing is coming too  
 **Miles:** DRINK  
 **Miles:** JUST DRINK  
 **Jeremy:** When did she get time to put on eyemakeup  
 **Bass:** So many ghosts OH FUCK  
 **Bass:** That's a normal taxi driver  
 **Miles:** Oh, New York  
 **Miles:** IT GOT OUT  
 **Bass:** SLIMER  
 **Bass:** EATING  
 **Bass:** SAUSAGE  
 **Miles:** TELL PETER  
 **Bass:** HE WANTS PETER'S SAUSAGE  
 **Miles:** IT'S SO SUGGESTIVE  
 **Jeremy:** You two need help  
 **Jeremy:** BOOM  
 **Jeremy:** BOOM  
 **Jeremy:** BOOM  
 **Miles:** We need help?!  
 **Jeremy:** BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM  
 **Bass:** Jeremy are you turned on again  
 **Miles:** WE NEED HELP?!  
 **Jeremy:** Shut up  
 **Miles:** MAKE HIM USE REAL WORDS  
 **Bass:** They what NASA what building huh?  
 **Miles:** Hahaha they got arrested  
 **Jeremy:** Geniuses normally are whackos  
 **Miles:** You DON'T know anything about any of these things  
 **Jeremy:** Pretend I don't know science because I am not a scientist  
 **Jeremy:** We're in a prison  
 **Jeremy:** It's time for gay sex  
 **Miles:** Just STALKING CHICKS  
 **Miles:** Ooh yes, orgy time  
 **Bass:** Stalking chicks, hitting on people, lube  
 **Bass:** I'm not dating her  
 **Bass:** I'm dating Zool now  
 **Miles:** They totally did it  
 **Bass:** Unnecessary surgery  
 **Miles:** Ew  
 **Miles:** SOCIETY is too sick to survive?  
 **Jeremy:** Yes they did it with ghost lube  
 **Jeremy:** What  
 **Miles:** BIZARRE RITUALS  
 **Jeremy:** They did rituals on the roof?  
 **Bass:** Possessed by Santa  
 **Miles:** KINKY KINKY SHIT  
 **Bass:** Peter is like  
 **Bass:** Seriously  
 **Bass:** We're ready for gay sex time  
 **Miles:** You tell them, Token  
 **Jeremy:** Sumerian, not Babylonian  
 **Jeremy:** There's a difference  
 **Jeremy:** Honestly don't you read  
 **Bass:** What  
 **Bass:** The  
 **Miles:** She sexed the room to death  
 **Bass:** I am the Keymaster....  
 **Miles:** OH FUCK  
 **Miles:** DON'T FUCK THE MIDGET  
 **Bass:** I want to put my Key in your Gate  
 **Miles:** IT'S A SEX THING  
 **Miles:** I TOLD YOU  
 **Jeremy:** She fucked the midget  
 **Miles:** She's like a foot taller than him  
 **Bass:** Jeremy why are there midgets in everything you watch  
 **Jeremy:** Everyone is a midget to me  
 **Miles:** Do you have a thing for them because you are so tall?  
 **Jeremy:** I can't tell the difference  
 **Jeremy:** Although if they're at crotch height...  
 **Bass:** You are in so much trouble  
 **Bass:** I AM PECK  
 **Miles:** Bring me my peck!  
 **Bass:** PECK AM I  
 **Jeremy:** Snowball artists  
 **Jeremy:** You know  
 **Miles:** Protection racket!  
 **Jeremy:** It's possible he is telling the truth  
 **Bass:** This man has no DICK?!  
 **Bass:** HOW DO YOU KNOW  
 **Bass:** DID YOU PUT YOUR HANDS IN HIS PANTS  
 **Miles:** Ring of fire!  
 **Jeremy:** Boom  
 **Jeremy:** Maps  
 **Jeremy:** The walls were bleeding  
 **Miles:** FUCK IT'S THE POPE  
 **Bass:** DON'T ASK WOMEN IF IT'S THAT TIME  
 **Jeremy:** I don't think it is the Pope  
 **Jeremy:** He's American  
 **Miles:** Of course you do  
 **Bass:** Don't quote me on GOD  
 **Miles:** You're the Pope!  
 **Bass:** Hello I am Token  
 **Bass:** I am trustworthy  
 **Bass:** I have seen shit that will turn you white?  
 **Miles:** Believe me!  
 **Bass:** Okay I love him  
 **Jeremy:** I thought Revelation was New Testament  
 **Jeremy:** DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER  
 **Miles:** IN SIN!  
 **Jeremy:** TWILIGHT FANFICTION BECOMING A BESTSELLER  
 **Bass:** Peter is hitting on the mayor  
 **Bass:** He said 'registered voters'  
 **Bass:** That's like 'fuck me'  
 **Miles:** BULLSEYE  
 **Jeremy:** This man has no penis  
 **Miles:** The other midget is so turned on right now  
 **Jeremy:** I'll fix you like a dog we don't want to breed  
 **Bass:** SOLDIERS  
 **Jeremy:** I am so turned on right now  
 **Bass:** Oh nice trucks  
 **Miles:** You need so much help  
 **Bass:** Wait  
 **Bass:** Why is there a cloud  
 **Bass:** Oh look people turned to god  
 **Bass:** They always do when they are about to die  
 **Bass:** Nice that they have Jews too  
 **Jeremy:** Rock out with your cock out  
 **Miles:** Meaningful music  
 **Miles:** Drink  
 **Jeremy:** Not... to god  
 **Miles:** Drink now  
 **Miles:** That's an order  
 **Jeremy:** YES, SIR  
 **Jeremy:** I DRANK  
 **Jeremy:** IT IN  
 **Jeremy:** MY MOUTH  
 **Jeremy:** I DRUNK  
 **Miles:** SCORE  
 **Jeremy:** I like that shirt  
 **Bass:** Peter you are a whore  
 **Miles:** Oh he admits it  
 **Bass:** A DATE WITH A GHOST  
 **Miles:** He's going to fuck Zool again  
 **Bass:** Scream fanboys scream  
 **Miles:** OMINOUS  
 **Bass:** The music got bad  
 **Bass:** It's  
 **Bass:** OH GOD  
 **Bass:** THE WHOLE BUILDING  
 **Bass:** IS THE COSMIC BUTTPLUG KEY  
 **Jeremy:** Oops  
 **Miles:** THEY FELL IN A HOLE  
 **Jeremy:** They fell in a hole  
 **Miles:** WITH A CAR  
 **Jeremy:** The film will end rather quickly now  
 **Jeremy:** Rocks fall everybody dies  
 **Miles:** "And they all died and Zool won"  
 **Miles:** "The end"  
 **Miles:** "Also the world was destroyed"  
 **Miles:** "Sorry"  
 **Jeremy:** Skeletor is back  
 **Miles:** BUTTPLUG!  
 **Miles:** WE FELL IN A HOLE  
 **Bass:** We can take a big hole  
 **Miles:** WE LIVE  
 **Miles:** WE ARE GODS AMONG MEN  
 **Bass:** Yes Peter  
 **Miles:** LET US PLAY ROUGH  
 **Bass:** A hole is nothing to us  
 **Miles:** WE LIKE ROUGH  
 **Miles:** WE ARE AS MEN!  
 **Bass:** Stairs  
 **Miles:** ...weak, pathetic men  
 **Bass:** We're going to save the world  
 **Bass:** But  
 **Bass:** We can't walk up stairs  
 **Miles:** Oh they had roof sex  
 **Jeremy:** These are the men who will save us from bad mans  
 **Miles:** Without taking their clothes off  
 **Jeremy:** Yeah they totally did it  
 **Jeremy:** Peter will be jealous  
 **Jeremy:** Welcome to Night Vale  
 **Bass:** And now some more stairs  
 **Miles:** Igor is so gay  
 **Bass:** Art Deco?  
 **Miles:** Even if he does hit on the receptionist  
 **Bass:** Igor are you for real?  
 **Jeremy:** He doesn't  
 **Jeremy:** She hits on him  
 **Jeremy:** More stairs  
 **Jeremy:** Where do they go  
 **Jeremy:** Up  
 **Bass:** But also down  
 **Bass:** That's how stairs work  
 **Bass:** I thought they were scientists  
 **Bass:** Even I know that  
 **Bass:** SHIT  
 **Jeremy:** Skeletor's pink lightning turned his girlfriend into a dog  
 **Jeremy:** He's still gonna tap that  
 **Miles:** He so is  
 **Miles:** The sick fuck  
 **Jeremy:** Ominous doors  
 **Miles:** GIANT GLOWY THING  
 **Jeremy:** It's all illuminato  
 **Jeremy:** ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD  
 **Miles:** Oh, another chick  
 **Jeremy:** DAVID BOWIE  
 **Bass:** It will get by you  
 **Bass:** Yeah  
 **Bass:** Go Ray  
 **Bass:** You don't like girls  
 **Bass:** You take her down  
 **Jeremy:** That hair is awesome  
 **Miles:** Oh the HAIR  
 **Miles:** Yeah this isn't going to work  
 **Bass:** Lawyerred  
 **Miles:** Oh KINKY  
 **Jeremy:** Are you a GOD  
 **Bass:** ...  
 **Miles:** Wrong answer  
 **Jeremy:** PINK LIGHTNING  
 **Miles:** Time for torture  
 **Bass:** I am sensing a theme in your shows Jeremy  
 **Miles:** Yeah  
 **Miles:** You sick fuck  
 **Jeremy:** I am so turned on  
 **Bass:** When someone asks you if you're a god?  
 **Miles:** Ray is such a sub  
 **Jeremy:** Sir, yes Sir  
 **Bass:** TOAST  
 **Miles:** PULL OUT YOUR STICKS  
 **Bass:** HOT AND COVERED IN MILES  
 **Bass:** I WANT TOAST  
 **Bass:** CAN I HAVE TOAST  
 **Bass:** WHAT  
 **Bass:** STICK  
 **Bass:** HO  
 **Miles:** TWIST YOUR STICKS  
 **Jeremy:** Prime your penis  
 **Jeremy:** How we do things 'down town'  
 **Miles:** Aaaaand you suck  
 **Miles:** AIM BETTER  
 **Jeremy:** Those are some heels  
 **Bass:** You mean you didn't go full stream on the Babyfucklian god?  
 **Jeremy:** Sumerian  
 **Miles:** USE. REAL. WORDS!  
 **Bass:** No I don't know what it means  
 **Jeremy:** It's bad  
 **Jeremy:** It's really bad  
 **Miles:** It's extraordinarily bad  
 **Jeremy:** Bad bad  
 **Jeremy:** SHAKE  
 **Jeremy:** ACT  
 **Miles:** Oh time for another earthquake  
 **Bass:** Oh no  
 **Bass:** Rocks fall  
 **Bass:** Everyone dies  
 **Miles:** COWER TINY MEN  
 **Miles:** COWER BEFORE GOZER  
 **Bass:** Gozer the Gozerian Gozer the Destructor Gozer the Sex God Gozer the Sexy  
 **Jeremy:** Stop hitting on  
 **Jeremy:** J Edgar Hoover would be a cool bad guy  
 **Miles:** MORE COMING  
 **Bass:** Ray did  
 **Bass:** Ray did  
 **Miles:** RAY DID IT  
 **Bass:** Look at his face  
 **Miles:** HE IS GUILTY  
 **Bass:** Ray did  
 **Miles:** THROW HIM OFF THE ROOF  
 **Bass:** He makes the face Jeremy makes  
 **Jeremy:** It popped in there  
 **Jeremy:** What, in your ASS  
 **Miles:** IT JUST POPPED IN THERE  
 **Jeremy:** Also that's rude Bass  
 **Miles:** True though  
 **Bass:** Ray  
 **Miles:** It is the same face  
 **Bass:** You are a bad man  
 **Miles:** What  
 **Bass:** It's a dinosaur  
 **Miles:** The fuck  
 **Miles:** Is that  
 **Jeremy:** It's not a dinosaur  
 **Miles:** THE FUCK  
 **Miles:** THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT  
 **Jeremy:** It's the Marshmallow Man  
 **Jeremy:** Stay Puft  
 **Miles:** THIS IS AS FUCKED UP AS THE BUTTPLUG MOVIE  
 **Bass:** He was thinking of Peter  
 **Bass:** 'Stay Puft' indeed  
 **Bass:** Look at that cheery face  
 **Bass:** Peter Peter can we keep it  
 **Miles:** THAT ISN'T HARMLESS, RAY  
 **Jeremy:** My childhood could not possibly destroy us  
 **Jeremy:** I used to burn him  
 **Jeremy:** On a fire  
 **Jeremy:** How could he want to destroy me  
 **Bass:** Igor is beyond science  
 **Miles:** TELL IT LIKE IT IS, IGOR  
 **Bass:** This is bad  
 **Miles:** COWER, MORTALS  
 **Bass:** It scared him white  
 **Miles:** Yes, set it on fire  
 **Jeremy:** No one steps on a church in my town  
 **Miles:** That's totally responsible  
 **Jeremy:** I don't believe in god or reading or science  
 **Jeremy:** but by god will you not stand on my church  
 **Bass:** I'm hungry  
 **Miles:** GET HIM LAID  
 **Bass:** HE'S A SAILOR  
 **Bass:** GET HIM LAID  
 **Bass:** PETER  
 **Miles:** HE'S A SAILOR  
 **Bass:** ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ON HIM  
 **Bass:** THE DOOR SWINGS BOTH WAYS  
 **Miles:** CROSS THE STREAMS  
 **Jeremy:** Wait who is fucking who  
 **Miles:** I have no fucking clue  
 **Miles:** Maybe one of the midgets  
 **Bass:** Let's cross our penises because they swing both ways and the lady is a dog and what  
 **Jeremy:** I love this plan  
 **Jeremy:** It involves sex  
 **Jeremy:** And dogs  
 **Miles:** AND OUR STICKS  
 **Bass:** Peter  
 **Bass:** Don't call him Doctor  
 **Miles:** It turns him on  
 **Bass:** He doesn't know how to read  
 **Bass:** OH SHIT  
 **Bass:** GAY PORN  
 **Miles:** YES YES IT IS PORN  
 **Jeremy:** I am...soturnedonrightnowOHGODLOOKFOUROFTHEMCOMING  
 **Miles:** OK NOW I AM TURNED ON  
 **Bass:** Shit  
 **Bass:** Can we pause it for an hour  
 **Miles:** Wow that is quite a lot of come  
 **Jeremy:** White goo everywhere  
 **Miles:** They all came on him  
 **Jeremy:** OH LADY  
 **Jeremy:** YOU GOT CUMSPLODED  
 **Miles:** On the peck man  
 **Bass:** Biggest orgy  
 **Miles:** This is so fucked up  
 **Bass:** EVER  
 **Miles:** They are all covered in lube and groaning  
 **Bass:** Sounds like us   
**Miles:** WHERE ARE MY BOYFRIENDS?!  
 **Jeremy:** Why are they using surnames  
 **Miles:** It's kinkier  
 **Bass:** OhhhhSpengler  
 **Bass:** Why is  
 **Bass:** Why is one of them  
 **Bass:** Clean  
 **Bass:** Did he do the coming  
 **Jeremy:** Mmmm BBQ dog  
 **Miles:** Because he has to make out with his dog girlfriend  
 **Jeremy:** OhVenkman  
 **Jeremy:** I just forgot you date a dog  
 **Miles:** YOU STILL HAVE US  
 **Bass:** It's okay I was only boning her when she was a god  
 **Bass:** Or a dog  
 **Bass:** Or inside a dog  
 **Miles:** OH SHE'S STILL ALIVE  
 **Miles:** I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE AGAIN  
 **Bass:** Poor midget  
 **Miles:** SAVE THE MIDGET!  
 **Jeremy:** Now they have to sex  
 **Miles:** The last thing I remember is being molested by my couch!  
 **Jeremy:** It would waste the mashlubelow if they didn't  
 **Bass:** We bust  
 **Bass:** Oh well  
 **Bass:** You are a smart man  
 **Bass:** You nearly die and you still try to sell your services  
 **Jeremy:** I want bits of your brain for SCIENCE  
 **Jeremy:** SONG  
 **Miles:** I'M COVERED IN LUBE!  
 **Miles:** YAY!  
 **Miles:** I think he's standing on a box  
 **Jeremy:** He's thinking she kissed better as a dog  
 **Bass:** More smoking  
 **Bass:** GHOST BUSTERS  
 **Miles:** For after the sex  
 **Bass:** This had slightly less sex but not much  
 **Jeremy:** So I can pick movies again?  
 **Miles:** All your movies are gay porn  
 **Miles:** From the 80s  
 **Bass:** Jeremy, you are a sick man  
 **Bass:** I'm going to make Ben make you one of those things  
 **Miles:** I don't want to know  
 **Miles:** Now they drive off  
 **Miles:** For more sex  
 **Jeremy:** OH YES PLEASE I WANT THE NOISE  
 **Jeremy:** AND A PROBE  
 **Miles:** BUSTING MAKES ME FEEL GOOD  
 **Bass:** ...we're not man enough for him  
 **Jeremy:** Hey, you are. I just also like... uhm. Things.  
 **Bass:** SLIMER  
 **Bass:** HE WANTS HIS PETER  
 **Miles:** SLIMER WANTS HIS MAN  
 **Bass:** I am not drunk enough for this  
 **Miles:** Then drink more!  
 **Miles:** You can always drink more!  
 **Jeremy:** WHAT THE  
 **Jeremy:** SEX SONG OVER THE CREDITS  
 **Miles:** Seriously, Jeremy, your taste in movies is worrying  
 **Jeremy:** Wait til you see Boa Vs Python  
 **Miles:** I would veto but it's like a trainwreck  
 **Bass:** Is that a sex thing  
 **Bass:** Wait  
 **Bass:** Who am I kidding  
 **Miles:** IT'S A SEX THING  
 **Bass:** Everything is a sex thing  
 **Miles:** ...fuck this, pass the bottle  
 **Bass:** Yeah


	3. The Joss Whedon Singalong Spectacular

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog_ and _Once More, With Feeling_ from the sixth season of _Buffy The Vampire Slayer_. Nothing more needs to be said. We're still not sorry. And drunk again.

_Cue 'Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog'_  
Miles: *drinks*  
Bass: Dude  
Bass: We haven't even started yet  
Miles: You have to be pre-drunk for some things  
Miles: And this?  
Miles: This counts  
Miles: THIS IS SOME THINGS  
Bass: No you are just an alcoholic  
Miles: Well, that too  
Miles: Aha I am on my own  
Miles: I can make up my OWN RULES  
Miles: 1. Drink every time this proves Jeremy is a ginormous nerd  
Miles: 2. Drink every time you want to die  
Miles: 3. Drink every time someone does something gay  
Miles: 4. Drink every time a scene could be improved by special shiny sparkles of gay  
Miles: 5. Drink every time Bass does That Face because there's a horse in it (apparently, so I hear)  
Miles: 6. Drink every time it gets totally kinky (because it will, Jeremy picked these ones too so it WILL)  
Miles: 7. Drink every time it gets gayer than the buttplug bared-chested laser-whipping giant sword movie of 80s death  
Miles: 8. Drink every time things would work out better if they just STOPPED singing  
Miles: 9. Drink every time they have something that would have made forming this glorious Republic of ours easier (like the laser whip, 'cause that would totally have helped)  
Miles: 10. Drink every time you just need alcohol because muscials have that effect on you and that's TOTALLY OK because none of this was your idea  
Bass: 1. I was busy doing sensible important ruling the Republic things  
Bass: 2. You will drink yourself to death if you follow that one so mission accomplished  
Bass: 3. You think everything is 'gay'  
Bass: 4. I'll hit you over the head til you see gay sparkles in a minute  
Bass: 5. Fuck. You.  
Bass: 6. See above point 3.  
Bass: 7. I don't think that's possible.  
Bass: 8. Okay I accept that one.  
Bass: 9. How would the laser whip work without fucking electricity you idiot?  
Bass: 10. You love it really you big gay queen.  
Jeremy: 11. If I wasn't gay you'd have less sex so there.  
Miles: SHALL I JUST MAKE IT GO ALREADY?  
Bass: Fucking  
Bass: You have the power  
Jeremy: I hate you both  
Miles: Yeah, well, I hate you more  
Bass: WTF is on his head  
Jeremy: Drink to the cool lab  
Jeremy: Strengthening the ability to deep throat  
Miles: HORSE  
Miles: See, told you  
Jeremy: ...Bad Horse  
Bass: WTF  
Miles: Lamborghini, is that you?  
Bass: WHO SAYS BEE TEE DOUBLE YOU  
Miles: Wow this guy is small league  
Miles: I had one of those when I was nine  
Bass: Oh look at those gloves  
Miles: Yeah  
Miles: DRINK  
Bass: Drink to sarcasm sarcasm  
Jeremy: Drink to science that would make Ben cry  
Miles: WTF is that  
Bass: Drugs  
Miles: All of this science would make Ben cry  
Miles: Even I know that  
Miles: DRUGS!  
Miles: They might help too  
Bass: Drink to drugs  
Jeremy: NO DRUGS  
Bass: WTF the point is having money  
Miles: Is that a rock band thing  
Miles: BASS IS THAT YOU?  
Bass: What does this guy actually want  
Bass: SHUT UP  
Miles: Melted gold mush  
Bass: YOU WANTED THE REPUBLIC  
Jeremy: Oh god not this again  
Jeremy: Also foreshadowing drink  
Miles: Yeah but this one is blond  
Miles: Wasn't he the guy in Game of Thrones?  
Bass: DRINK TO MILES NERD  
Miles: Oh oh they have thing  
Jeremy: Spelt differently but yeah  
Miles: They clearly have thing  
Miles: He did the face  
Jeremy: Drink to gay  
Miles: I can't STOP drinking  
Bass: Oh see he has morals  
Bass: Oh no  
Bass: A WOMAN  
Bass: WHAT IS THIS  
Miles: OH NOT THIS AGAIN  
Bass: IS IT HETEROSEXUAL  
Jeremy: MUSICAL NUMBER  
Jeremy: kissy face  
Miles: There is no way this guy is straight  
Miles: Oh singing  
Miles: Oh no  
Bass: I recognise her  
Jeremy: She's in everything Bass  
Miles: FUCKING REDHEADS  
Miles: IS THIS GOING TO GET TRIGGERY?  
Bass: WTF is a freeze ray for anyway  
Jeremy: Everything triggers you  
Miles: Maybe it's for after the laser whip  
Jeremy: You're like a giant row of guns  
Bass: Ooooh dramatic lighting  
Bass: Also  
Bass: Isn't this that guy in that thing  
Jeremy: Yes Bass  
Miles: I thing that thing is in a lot of guys  
Bass: It's straight  
Bass: Where's my booze  
Miles: DRINK IT  
Bass: I... love the AIR?!?  
Miles: He's a WHAT?  
Bass: WTF  
Bass: That guy is slimey  
Jeremy: Drink to Batman style names  
Miles: CROSSOVER  
Jeremy: Drink  
Jeremy: to  
Jeremy: BAD  
Jeremy: HORSE  
Bass: The horse writes letter?  
Bass: COWBOYS?  
Bass: THOROUGHBRED OF SIN  
Bass: WHERE CAN I GET ONE  
Miles: DEFINITELY LAMBORGHINI  
Jeremy: You don't want one  
Miles: He totally does  
Miles: Look at that face  
Bass: I - WHAT? MARE?!  
Jeremy: Yes Bass  
Miles: WRONG WRONG BAD AND WRONG  
Bass: I would say Neigh but that's bad  
Miles: What the fuck is wonderflonium?  
Miles: Should I ask Ben?  
Bass: What was that on his wall  
Miles: Science  
Miles: It was science  
Bass: Look it's Emm- er - chick  
Miles: BASS  
Miles: STOP IT  
Miles: WITH THE TRIGGERS  
Bass: I CAN'T HELP IT SHE LOOKS LIKE HER  
Bass: WTF WAS THAT  
Jeremy: iEvil  
Miles: A magic nubbin?  
Miles: Oh he's scared of girls  
Bass: I would be startled by random singing Emma  
Miles: Totally gay  
Miles: STOP IT!!  
Bass: Oh look  
Miles: Oh smooth  
Bass: it's Jeremy  
Miles: ...stalker  
Jeremy: Uhm guys right here  
Miles: I'm being totally awesome and perfect and moral  
Bass: Oh god charity  
Miles: And am therefore so going to die  
Bass: She's evil  
Miles: Or that  
Bass: Signatures  
Bass: Please stop being evil sign here  
Bass: rocket... moon... what  
Jeremy: Drink to villain monologue  
Miles: It's not a good metaphor at all  
Jeremy: It's a good metaphor  
Miles: Oh this is so familiar...  
Miles: It bleeps  
Miles: Bleeping is significant  
Bass: He is never getting laid  
Bass: Evil is more important to him  
Miles: Never  
Bass: Right hand / geek OTP  
Miles: HUMAN CONTACT!  
Miles: Oh no what do I do?!  
Jeremy: Because chicks dig evil  
Miles: ...there is no way this isn't gay  
Miles: Men doing men?  
Jeremy: Time for superman transition  
Miles: That's gay  
Miles: The FUCK?  
Bass: He's more into his iphone than the woman  
Jeremy: STAND BACK EVERYONE  
Jeremy: *hairflick*  
Miles: Wow that guy has perky nipples  
Bass: There's the gay  
Bass: WOW look at those arms  
Miles: He and He-Man could have a club  
Jeremy: How did anyone ever think you were straight  
Bass: Holy gloves Batman  
Miles: I hit them if they caught on  
Bass: Smooth  
Miles: Look at THOSE gloves  
Miles: Oh touching  
Bass: Choking  
Miles: GAY  
Bass: Oh he's down alright  
Jeremy: Look at the romantic trash song  
Miles: "Nemesis"  
Bass: And he can't let go of him  
Miles: It's supervillain for "Fucking"  
Bass: God he's you Jem  
Miles: Oh dear  
Miles: Oh DEAR  
Bass: Why don't they all bang  
Miles: Is this going to end up with all three of them?  
Jeremy: NIPPLLLLLLLLLLLES  
Bass: He has a point  
Miles: Can it GET ANY MORE TRIGGERY  
Bass: Why doesn't anyone like nerdy  
Miles: ...fuck I am so turned on right now  
Bass: You kinky shit  
Bass: Shall we just have sex?  
Miles: DRINK  
Miles: DRINK FIRST  
Bass: Oh look he's sad  
Miles: Oh see the face  
Miles: Sad meaningful song time  
Bass: Someone sex nerdy  
Miles: Pouring out of the soul  
Jeremy: It's not that kind of a show  
Miles: And angst  
Bass: Who am I supposed to like?  
Jeremy: BASS  
Miles: I know, right?  
Bass: I don't like Nipples  
Miles: I can't tell either  
Miles: Uhm  
Bass: Well other than those arms  
Bass: Emma is too nice  
Miles: Is there any way we can make them all do it  
Miles: That would help!  
Bass: Nerdy is all ....  
Jeremy: Not that kind of show :(  
Miles: JEREMY!  
Bass: See Nipples is totes lying  
Miles: STOP SPOILING THE ILLUSION!  
Jeremy: You could always write fanfic  
Miles: Is that a fake moustache?  
Bass: I'm too busy having real sex  
Miles: ...write what now?  
Bass: THAT WAS NERDY  
Jeremy: Fanfic  
Miles: I have enough trouble with birthday cards  
Bass: NERDY WAS THERE AND NOW IN A BUSY  
Bass: BUSH  
Bass: I'm banging Nerdy  
Jeremy: Ten/Rose much?  
Miles: ...you are just saying words again you know  
Jeremy: Shut up Miles  
Bass: Challenge accepted  
Miles: "I'm scared of girls"  
Miles: "Oh noes"  
Bass: NERDY don't do a Nipples and LIE  
Miles: ...uh, about that  
Bass: Oh look more contrived lies  
Bass: WHY ARE THE MEN SUCH LIARS  
Miles: "Did you fuck him yet?"  
Jeremy: What was he like?  
Miles: Was he good?  
Miles: Was he good for you?  
Miles: Or onions  
Bass: A deeper... level.... pie? I'm hungry  
Miles: Kinky  
Miles: Kinky shit  
Bass: He's such a down  
Miles: I know  
Bass: Such a - what is it - bottom  
Miles: It's sort of cute  
Bass: He's still hurting himself  
Miles: Oh giant phallic object  
Jeremy: SCIENCE DRINK  
Miles: DRINK ALL THE DRINKS  
Bass: I would say more than French kiss  
Bass: Nerdy is jealous  
Bass: Evil League of Evil should be what we call Senior Briefings  
Jeremy: Look he's all beat up  
Miles: I'm all for it if you are  
Jeremy: Silly Billy  
Miles: Oh dear, even I could have worked that out  
Jeremy: you don't broadcast your evil plans  
Miles: It must be love!  
Bass: CAR AT HIS HEAD?  
Bass: Must be LOVE  
Miles: Cars mean love!  
Bass: Cowboys  
Miles: Oh the horse things again  
Miles: Look at those moustaches  
Miles: Kill someone  
Bass: I think it's Ferrari  
Miles: It might be  
Miles: That guy has the WORST power  
Miles: The power of DAMP  
Bass: EVIL HOURS?  
Miles: Seriously, I think Ben has a PhD in Horribleness too  
Jeremy: Bad catchphrase  
Jeremy: Batman names  
Miles: Or possibly some kind of Physics  
Miles: I forget  
Jeremy: Ben has a PhD in being smugly super... er  
Miles: JEREMY!  
Bass: Fucking horse again  
Bass: GHANDI?!  
Miles: ...I don't even want to know  
Jeremy: Sorry Miles  
Miles: Not yet, you aren't  
Jeremy: She is dressed like some Disney princess  
Miles: GAY  
Jeremy: WELL MAKE ME  
Miles: You just WAIT. CAPTAIN  
Bass: Someone is going to die  
Bass: SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE  
Miles: I KNOW  
Bass: MAYBE ALL OF THEM  
Jeremy: JUST WATCH IT  
Bass: He seems a bit more straight now  
Bass: Maybe he swings both ways  
Miles: I think she has that effect on people  
Bass: God knows Nipples does  
Miles: Oh are they going to make out now?  
Jeremy: Well I wouldn't do her  
Jeremy: Sorry  
Miles: ...nope  
Miles: FRIENDZONED  
Miles: I wish he would stop talking about cheese  
Miles: It is making me hungry  
Bass: Look at my WRIST?  
Bass: WHAT?  
Miles: OH AWKWARD  
Bass: Oh look it's Nipples  
Bass: So very... ahaha he knows  
Miles: Yeah  
Jeremy: Like Billy would go to the gym  
Miles: I think he's just naturally like THAT  
Jeremy: Nipples - er Captain Hammer would to show off  
Bass: WHERE DID HE PUT HIS FIST  
Miles: I don't even want to know  
Bass: IN THE MAYOR?  
Miles: TOUCHING  
Miles: TOUCHING  
Bass: Ohhhhh  
Bass: Huggggging  
Bass: They  
Bass: Are  
Bass: Fucking  
Miles: It got kinky again  
Miles: Yep  
Bass: Look at them  
Bass: All the touching  
Jeremy: Yep  
Miles: Oh I am so turned on right now  
Jeremy: KISS  
Bass: YOU BASTARD  
Miles: Kiss him!  
Miles: Kiss him!  
Bass: JUST BECAUSE HE WANTS HER  
Bass: THREESOME  
Miles: ...wait, what?  
Jeremy: My hammer is my penis  
Miles: IT'S HIS WHAT?!  
Miles: DRINK  
Bass: CAPTAIN PENIS  
Bass: OH GOD  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: DRINK  
Bass: Nerdy's face turned me on  
Miles: ...oh someone is going to Seneca  
Bass: Look at those lips  
Miles: SEE I CAN DO IT TOO  
Miles: AHAHAHAHA  
Jeremy: MILES  
Bass: YOU MADE NERDY MAD HE'S STARING AT YOUR NECK  
Bass: FINGERS  
Bass: OMFG  
Bass: THOSE FINGERS  
Bass: BEAT HIM  
Bass: HARDER  
Bass: YES OH GOD YES I AM SO TURNED ON RIGHT WHAT SANTA FUCK OFF  
Jeremy: Hahahaha  
Bass: HORSE  
Jeremy: Stalker photo  
Jeremy: Giant chair  
Miles: I WANT THAT CHAIR  
Jeremy: WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA  
Bass: I AM LEAVING YOU TWO FOR NERDY  
Bass: AND NIPPLES  
Miles: BASS  
Jeremy: BASS  
Bass: FUCK ME  
Miles: SOON  
Miles: TRUST ME  
Bass: WILL YOU WEAR A SHIRT LIKE THAT  
Bass: AND GLOVES  
Miles: Apparently gay musicals work well if you're GAY  
Jeremy: Remember those faces for later  
Bass: SCIENCE  
Miles: I bet Ben wants a lab like that  
Bass: NERDETTES  
Miles: NERDETTES!  
Jeremy: I don't think real science labs have those colours in  
Jeremy: Good example for children and stuff  
Bass: NIPPLES AND NERDY ARE GAY  
Miles: "Next up, who's gay?"  
Miles: EVERYONE!  
Bass: Nerdettes  
Miles: EVERYONE IS GAY!  
Jeremy: Fangirls  
Miles: ...fangirls  
Bass: GLOVES  
Bass: WEIRD STUFF?  
Miles: WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF TOO  
Bass: NERDETTES?  
Jeremy: YES WE DO  
Jeremy: I feel sorry for chick  
Miles: SCIENCE  
Jeremy: Even if I don't want to bang her  
Bass: MY KIND OF SCIENCE  
Miles: She is cute  
Bass: DEAD PEOPLE SCIENCE  
Miles: She should totally join in  
Miles: So long as it does not break up their GIANT GAY LOVE THING  
Bass: NERDETTE STALKERS  
Miles: Wait, DEATH RAY?!  
Bass: DEATH RAY  
Bass: MARRY ME  
Miles: BASS!  
Jeremy: Bass you are getting too into this  
Bass: Fuck off you  
Miles: Seconded  
Bass: He's a dick  
Miles: He's hot as fuck  
Miles: ...OK that came out loud  
Bass: He's evil  
Bass: And a dick  
Jeremy: Well done for recognising the good guy is evil  
Miles: And?  
Bass: HE'S A PRICK  
Miles: Uh, about that...  
Miles: Aha  
Miles: AHA  
Miles: Quiet nerdy thing  
Bass: Not his usual? GIRL?  
Miles: Yeah  
Bass: He likes BOYS who are EVIL?  
Miles: Oh more singing  
Bass: LASSIE?!  
Bass: WTF?  
Miles: I think he is comparing them to a dog  
Jeremy: Yes he called the homeless bitches  
Miles: ,..we need to offer this guy a job  
Bass: Try saying enjoy your mansion to someone fucking freezing to death shithead  
Bass: NO  
Bass: NO NIPPLES IN MY ARMY  
Bass: IN THE SEX DUNGEON  
Miles: This coming from the man who employed STRAUSSER?  
Jeremy: Poor Penny  
Bass: Fuck off  
Miles: They totally had sex  
Bass: We were at war  
Miles: They totally did  
Miles: Probably  
Miles: But he was thinking about Dr Nerdy  
Bass: Thinking  
Miles: Lovely blond Dr Nerdy  
Bass: I bet he wishes he was in her right now ahahaha  
Bass: Little did he know  
Jeremy: He just said one of them smelled of poo  
Bass: I hate his Nipples  
Miles: I don't think he does political correctness  
Bass: HOW IS HE THIS MEAN AND THE HERO  
Bass: WHY DO THEY LOVE HIM  
Miles: It's a DECONSTRUCTION  
Miles: ...oh I need more alcohol  
Bass: NOT A 'TARD?!  
Miles: I sound like BEN  
Jeremy: Yes drink  
Miles: GIANT PHALLIC RAY THING  
Miles: FUCK  
Jeremy: there is the evil laugh  
Miles: I AM TURNED ON AGAIN  
Bass: I am so turned on now  
Bass: See he's evil in white  
Bass: And the good guy is in black  
Miles: SEE?!  
Bass: WHY DOES NO ONE REALISE  
Miles: DECONSTRUCTION!  
Jeremy: Guys they do  
Miles: FUCK, BEN IS IN MY HEAD!  
Jeremy: It's just you two  
Bass: FUCK OFF BEN  
Bass: GO FIX THE ELECTRIC  
Miles: For once I agree  
Bass: PAIN  
Miles: ...I like that kind of pain  
Bass: YOU'RE THE BOTTOM  
Miles: The LOUD KIND  
Miles: Did you notice?  
Jeremy: I think he is just asking for it  
Bass: YES LOUD PAIN  
Bass: I LIKE THAT  
Bass: DO A BLOG?  
Bass: HAMMER ME NAIL  
Bass: AHAHAHA  
Miles: ...oh fuck I need some alone time  
Bass: NIPPLE ME NERD  
Jeremy: He's also wearing a fucking dress  
Miles: Oh look, Baltimore  
Miles: TRIGGERY  
Jeremy: How does he have to correct 'Horrible'  
Bass: Yes where's the chick  
Bass: See he's not even doing it  
Miles: HE CAN'T DO IT  
Miles: BECAUSE OF THEIR LOVE  
Bass: PAIN  
Bass: BUT NIPPLES CAN PUNCH  
Bass: AND FLIP HIM OFF  
Miles: Oh oh oh  
Jeremy: Yes Doc is a sub  
Miles: Yeah  
Bass: And Mr Nipples Good Guy tried to KILL HIM  
Miles: That went wrong  
Miles: So wrong  
Jeremy: See how he tried to save him from it malfunctioning?  
Miles: ...and do you like it?  
Miles: The pain  
Bass: Nipples has never been bottom  
Miles: Lovely pain  
Miles: I mean  
Miles: Uh  
Miles: LOOK  
Bass: Nerdy is like  
Bass: dude it's just pain  
Miles: OH NO  
Bass: NO  
Miles: SEE THE FACE  
Bass: GIRL  
Bass: EMMA  
Miles: Told you  
Miles: TRIGGERY  
Miles: HELP  
Jeremy: Ugh  
Miles: ALCOHOL  
Miles: ALCOHOL  
Bass: And the hero ran off  
Bass: Captain Nipples left bitch  
Miles: Aaaaand now I want to drink again  
Miles: Drink  
Jeremy: Drink all the drinks  
Miles: Drink everything  
Bass: HE DIDN'T KILL HER  
Bass: NIPPLES DID  
Bass: LOOK  
Bass: HE IS BI  
Bass: HE LIKED HER  
Miles: She was hot!  
Bass: She was  
Jeremy: Guys........  
Miles: ...this  
Miles: I  
Miles: Oh  
Bass: Sorry  
Miles: Fuck  
Miles: Alcohol  
Miles: Alcohol now  
Bass: He even  
Bass: Putting her on  
Bass: Stretcher  
Miles: I  
Miles: Hold me  
Bass: HE LOOKS SO SAD  
Miles: HOLD ME  
Bass: I WILL  
Bass: JEM  
Bass: WHAT IS THIS  
Bass: WHAT'S HER NAME?!?  
Jeremy: Penny  
Bass: FUCK YOU NIPPLES  
Jeremy: Fickle fangirls  
Jeremy: Look at this cool club  
Miles: ...be careful what you wish for...  
Miles: I think that may be profound  
Miles: Or  
Bass: Red??????  
Miles: OH FUCK  
Miles: DID HE JUST  
Bass: BLACK GLOVES  
Miles: I  
Bass: HE WENT  
Bass: BAD  
Miles: IT GOT UNPROFOUND  
Bass: HORSE?!???????????????????????  
Miles: Yep that would be Ferrari  
Jeremy: HOLD  
Jeremy: ME  
Bass: TOLD YOU  
Bass: VAMPIRE HORSE  
Miles: My horse runs the Evil League of Evil  
Bass: HIS LIPS  
Bass: OH FUCK  
Miles: I am  
Miles: So  
Miles: Turned on  
Bass: I WANT  
Miles: Right now  
Bass: HIM  
Miles: FUCK  
Bass: WHAT  
Bass: WHAT  
Miles: ...oh fuck  
Bass: WAS THAT  
Miles: HOLD ME  
Miles: HOLD ME  
Miles: JEREMY  
Miles: YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE  
Miles: YOU ARE IN ALL THE TROUBLE

 _Cue 'Once More, With Feeling'_  
Jeremy: OK... so this is in the sixth season so you might need a few pointers... there's Buffy, who is the Slayer chosen to fight evil, and Willow her best friend, who is gay for girls and dating Tara, and they're both witches, and then there's Xander who doesn't have any powers but is engaged to Anya, who used to be a vengeance demon but isn't anymore. Then there's Dawn, who is Buffy's sister and is kinda whiny, and Giles, who is Buffy's Watcher-slash-mentor-slash-surrogate father. And then there's Spike, who is a vampire and who has a massive crush on Buffy.  
Jeremy: At this point, Buffy has just died and been resurrected and they think she was in Hell but really she was in Heaven but they don't know that yet, and she fights demons and vampires but sometimes also fucks them.  
Jeremy: Willow and Tara were together for ages but Willow got addicted to magic and made Tara forget about it so at the moment she thinks everything is great but it REALLY isn't.  
Jeremy: Also Anya is scared of bunnies.  
Jeremy: Really, really scared of bunnies.  
Jeremy: And Dawn has kleptomania.  
Jeremy: And Anya has commitment issues.  
Jeremy: Basically they are all a bit fucked up.  
Jeremy: Does that make sense?  
Bass: Uhm  
Bass: Which one's the hot one?  
Jeremy: All of them Bass  
Bass: Okay  
Miles: And they don't usually sing?  
Miles: Unlike Nipples and the Sub Doctor who totally did?  
Miles: All the time?  
Jeremy: No  
Jeremy: You will see  
Jeremy: Normally they are normal  
Miles: I cannot believe we are doing this twice in the same night  
Bass: Thanks Captain  
Bass: Oh I remember this chick  
Bass: LESBIANS  
Jeremy: That's the kid sister  
Jeremy: That's Buffy  
Miles: Oh they're all so wholesome  
Bass: So many chicks  
Bass: AXE  
Miles: And that's an axe  
Bass: I like him  
Bass: Nice leather jacket  
Miles: Yeah  
Miles: So much leather  
Jeremy: She looks so pissed off because she hates singing you know  
Bass: Who wouldn't?  
Miles: I sympathise  
Miles: Oh there's dancing too  
Bass: THEY ARE DANCING  
Miles: Fuck  
Bass: Wasn't he on He Man  
Miles: More nipples  
Bass: Man she turned down buffed chest  
Miles: I think this one is meaningful  
Bass: The last one was annoyingly meaningful too  
Miles: Is it going to get deep?  
Jeremy: Yeah this is more so  
Miles: I am too drunk for deep  
Jeremy: Really deep  
Bass: What is that chick wearing?  
Miles: ...WTF pastries  
Bass: And what is that dude doing  
Bass: AHA  
Miles: Oh it's a THING  
Bass: SO  
Bass: IT ISN'T NORMAL  
Jeremy: Yep  
Jeremy: And they... magic  
Jeremy: In this world  
Bass: Synchronised dancing  
Miles: It isn't normal at all!  
Miles: He's got a theory  
Bass: Oh no singing  
Bass: Jazz hands  
Bass: so gay  
Miles: We are definitely stuck in a Broadway nightmare  
Bass: I am  
Bass: Oh so whipped  
Jeremy: BUNNIES  
Jeremy: DRINK  
Miles: ...bunnies?  
Jeremy: PAUSE  
Miles: DRINK  
Jeremy: PAUSE  
Jeremy: WE DIDN'T  
Jeremy: COME UP  
Jeremy: WITH RULES  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FINE  
Miles: RULES  
Jeremy: Drink for  
Miles: YOU WITH YOUR RULES  
Jeremy: 1. Women power  
Jeremy: 2. Singing  
Jeremy: 3. Monsters  
Jeremy: 4. Feels  
Miles: ...feels?  
Bass: What kind of feels  
Miles: Is that touching?  
Bass: In my pants?  
Miles: Lots of touching  
Jeremy: 5.  
Miles: Mmmmm touching  
Jeremy: No in your heart  
Jeremy: 5. Touching  
Miles: FEELS IN YOUR HEART?  
Jeremy: 6. Kinky  
Miles: ?  
Jeremy: 7. Gay  
Miles: GAY  
Jeremy: 8. Violence  
Jeremy: 9. Because you want to  
Jeremy: 10. Because you don't understand  
Jeremy: 11. Bunnies  
Miles: DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN  
Jeremy: DIAL IT UP TO BUNNIES AND PRESS GO  
Jeremy: YOU HAVE THE POWER  
Miles: I AM THE POWER  
Jeremy: WE ARE SO DRUNK WE FORGOT RULES  
Miles: BOW TO THE POWER  
Miles: BOW TO THE POWER TINY MORTALS  
Bass: I BOW TO NO MAN  
Bass: BRING THE BUNNIES  
Miles: BUNNIES  
Miles: THE FUCK?  
Bass: I'm with Butterfly  
Miles: Oh I like her  
Bass: FIREWORKS  
Miles: Midgets?!  
Jeremy: Or maybe midgets  
Jeremy: Everyone's a midget  
Bass: TO YOU  
Bass: FREAK  
Miles: ...oh it got meaningful again  
Bass: MEANINGFUL DRINK  
Miles: Is this a thing?  
Miles: DRINK  
Bass: Have they been to the apocalypse?  
Miles: DRINK MORE  
Jeremy: Yes  
Bass: Okay  
Bass: Old dude is serious  
Miles: DRINK ALL THE DRINKS  
Bass: Why is that lesbian in that outfit  
Miles: She's died TWICE?!  
Bass: Do lesbians wear that  
Jeremy: yes she died twice  
Miles: Bunnies  
Bass: BUNNIES  
Miles: Bunnies are a thing now  
Miles: No it matters old dude  
Miles: Slightly hot old dude  
Bass: Is she gay too  
Miles: Hugs and puppies!  
Bass: With her stylish yet affordable boots  
Miles: Jeremy, is that you?  
Jeremy: This dude was in that thing we thing  
Miles: ...they got the WHAT with the WHAT?!  
Bass: How drunk are you  
Jeremy: Yes  
Miles: Very  
Bass: Ooooh a pterodactyl  
Jeremy: LESBIANS  
Miles: A pterodactyl?  
Miles: That's a thing?  
Miles: Oh wait  
Miles: They want alone time  
Jeremy: This is what you two are like  
Miles: For girl stuff  
Miles: With the touching  
Jeremy: When you want to  
Jeremy: Stuff  
Miles: All the touching  
Miles: Of the girl stuff  
Bass: She just stole something too  
Miles: They should make out now  
Bass: That outfit is awful  
Bass: "I want the boys!"  
Miles: You are so not cured  
Bass: They're mine  
Jeremy: Even I can see she's pretty  
Jeremy: I don't want to bang her  
Miles: Oh this is going to get hot isn't it?  
Jeremy: Listen to her voice  
Bass: Yeah  
Bass: Girl sex  
Bass: Hmmmmmmmmm  
Miles: ...OK I'm a little turned on again  
Jeremy: MILES  
Miles: SHUSH  
Miles: I used to do lots of girls!  
Bass: It's cute  
Bass: GAY SPARKLES  
Bass: MORE  
Miles: LOTS OF GAY SPARKLES  
Miles: OMG  
Bass: Well she is gay  
Bass: DANCING  
Miles: And dancing  
Miles: So much dancing  
Bass: OH SO CUTE  
Bass: WAIT  
Bass: ARE THEY  
Bass: GOING TO GIRL SEX  
Jeremy: YES  
Bass: HOW DOES THAT WORK?  
Miles: OK that was FACE  
Bass: CAN WE WATCH?  
Jeremy: BASS  
Bass: YES  
Miles: ...you don't know how it works?  
Miles: You've watched porn, yes?  
Bass: THEY ARE DOING IT  
Bass: WHAT  
Miles: THEY ARE DOING IT!!!!!  
Miles: And  
Bass: DO GIRLS DO THAT  
Miles: She  
Miles: Floating  
Miles: Girls float?!  
Jeremy: They're witches  
Miles: ...I knew that of course  
Bass: WELL SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE THAT  
Bass: WHAT  
Bass: BUT  
Miles: THEY'RE NOT WORKING  
Bass: THEY CUT  
Bass: BEFORE  
Miles: THEY'RE FUCKING  
Jeremy: YES THEY ARE DOING IT  
Bass: A DUET  
Miles: SO MUCH FUCKING  
Bass: HE'S IMAGINING IT  
Miles: I KNOW ABOUT THE GAY  
Miles: SO MUCH GAY  
Miles: GIRL GAY  
Jeremy: Gillgian cut I believe  
Bass: What?  
Jeremy: Nevermind  
Bass: RED  
Miles: ...dancing makes you GO ON FIRE  
Bass: IS IT  
Miles: IT WASN'T ME  
Bass: No it's not Doctor Nerdy  
Bass: THEY DID IT TOO  
Miles: Mmmmm  
Miles: Waffles  
Jeremy: I want waffles  
Jeremy: or toast  
Miles: Me too  
Miles: TOAST  
Bass: BOOBS  
Jeremy: BASS  
Miles: ...yeah  
Miles: Wow  
Bass: THEY ARE RIGHT THERE  
Bass: LOOK  
Miles: We have eyes  
Jeremy: GOD'S SAKE  
Jeremy: YOU SHOULD LIKE DICK  
Miles: Shush!  
Miles: We used to be straight!  
Miles: Ish!  
Bass: WE DO  
Bass: WE WERE REALLY STRAIGHT  
Miles: Very very  
Bass: WHY ISN'T HE HALF NAKED  
Miles: Oh they have issues  
Bass: THIS IS SO SEXIST  
Jeremy: And slightly flat  
Miles: I WANT CHEESE  
Bass: Gay Jem gay  
Miles: ...I don't even want to know  
Bass: I sense backstory  
Miles: About penis diseases  
Jeremy: And toes  
Miles: Wow these two must be in love  
Jeremy: Girls have hairy toes?  
Miles: Or they would kill each other  
Bass: Is it all about gay  
Miles: Uh... yes, Jem, they sometimes do  
Miles: Aaaaand dancing  
Jeremy: Look at those shoes  
Bass: GAY  
Miles: Lots of dancing  
Bass: They are meant to be  
Miles: They might have sex on the table soon  
Bass: He's so the bottom  
Bass: That skirt  
Bass: Hubbah  
Jeremy: God's sake  
Bass: I LIKE HER TIGHT EMBRACE  
Miles: ...your firm yet supple WHAT?!  
Jeremy: Boobies  
Bass: Yes we got that  
Miles: Thank you, Captain Obvious  
Bass: Did she sleep in lipstick  
Jeremy: These are not the hammer  
Miles: Yep  
Miles: THE HAMMER IS HIS PENIS  
Bass: The boobs are the hammer?  
Miles: Sorry  
Miles: Well, not  
Miles: Not sorry really  
Bass: You are never sorry  
Miles: Nope  
Miles: Never  
Bass: How does her skirt stay down  
Bass: Is it taped  
Miles: Except that one time  
Miles: And then they had couch sex  
Bass: WHO SLEEPS IN THAT?  
Miles: A plague nightmare!  
Bass: HOW MANY WOMEN DID YOU EVER SEE SLEEP IN THAT?  
Miles: Old dude is alarmed  
Jeremy: Marriage counselling  
Bass: Axe  
Jeremy: Sing woman sing  
Jeremy: Sing for your life  
Miles: Sing!  
Miles: Sing like you mean it!  
Jeremy: I'm just a poor girl don't you care  
Jeremy: I'm not wearing underwear  
Miles: Yes, Jem  
Bass: WHAT  
Jeremy: Look dancing  
Miles: Oh see the brooms  
Miles: This is way more with the dancing  
Jeremy: HE USED LATIN  
Bass: What?  
Jeremy: Nevermind  
Miles: Oh look another blond one  
Jeremy: Here's the vampire  
Miles: And  
Miles: Wow  
Miles: I  
Miles: Wow  
Bass: So many Brits  
Bass: Oh god you like this one too?  
Miles: Alcohol  
Jeremy: Candles  
Jeremy: CANDLES  
Jeremy: CANDLES  
Jeremy: CANDLES  
Bass: ....  
Miles: Alcohol helps  
Bass: I CAN SUGGEST WHAT YOU WOULD PUMP HIM FOR  
Miles: YEP  
Miles: SO MUCH  
Miles: YES  
Miles: Bad and moody  
Bass: So they fuck?  
Jeremy: .....  
Miles: Aaaand he's singing  
Bass: OH NOW HE IS SINGING  
Bass: that's a nice voice  
Bass: look at that throat  
Bass: he looks like he swallows  
Miles: FUCK I am turned on again  
Jeremy: Oh yeah baby  
Miles: Can we get a crypt?  
Jeremy: Cheekbones  
Miles: Just a small one  
Bass: That's sick  
Miles: What is it with the blond ones?  
Miles: I THINK I HAVE A TYPE  
Jeremy: You know he's not even British?  
Bass: WHAT?  
Bass: YES YOU DO  
Miles: He sounds it!  
Miles: Oh FUCK  
Bass: REDHEAD CHICKS AND BLOND MEN  
Miles: I  
Miles: OH FUCK  
Bass: DANCE LITTLE VAMPIRE  
Jeremy: I am so turned on  
Miles: SWEET RELIEF  
Miles: YES  
Bass: DO ME VAMPIRE  
Miles: I WANT IT  
Miles: Aaand it got kinky again  
Bass: SLAVE ON HIS KNEES FUCK YES SUCK ME  
Miles: I  
Bass: YOU CAN BITE ME  
Miles: Need  
Miles: Alone time  
Miles: Now  
Miles: Or  
Miles: Not alone  
Jeremy: ARE WE GOING TO SEX  
Miles: YES  
Bass: YES  
Bass: WHO WANTS TO BE THE VAMPIRE  
Bass: AND WHO WANTS TO BE THE NERD  
Bass: AND WHO WANTS TO BE NIPPLES  
Miles: I WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING SEX  
Miles: FUCK  
Jeremy: YOU SICK FUCK  
Miles: FUCK ME  
Miles: FUCK LOTS  
Miles: ALL THE FUCK  
Jeremy: That's disrespectful  
Bass: WHAT WITH HIS FACE  
Miles: I AM SO FUCKING TURNED ON  
Bass: OH BONER IN A GRAVE  
Miles: FUCK IN THE HOLE  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: Aaand... plot  
Bass: SHE FELT IT  
Miles: SHE WANTS TO STAY  
Miles: SHE WANTS YOU  
Bass: Oh poor baby  
Miles: WE ALL WANT YOU  
Miles: Hot lesbian again  
Jeremy: Uhoh  
Miles: ...oh no  
Bass: Wait  
Bass: She doesn't know?  
Miles: BUT THE LESBIANS!  
Jeremy: Shit  
Miles: BUT!  
Jeremy: She ships it  
Miles: BUT!  
Miles: WE ALL SHIP IT!  
Miles: THEY WERE SO HOT!  
Miles: LOOK AT THEM!  
Jeremy: Fifteen year old will have sex parties  
Miles: LOOK AT THEM!  
Bass: I don't want to think about that  
Bass: Klepto  
Bass: Fucking kid  
Bass: Girly voice  
Miles: Aaaand that didn't go so well now did it?  
Bass: WHAT  
Bass: THE  
Bass: CLOWNS  
Miles: Also that is fucking creepy  
Jeremy: Yea  
Miles: And they abducted a minor  
Miles: It got wrong  
Bass: She is going to be pretty when she grows up  
Bass: Girl can dance  
Miles: And it isn't creepy  
Bass: Needs a better bra  
Jeremy: I was thinking that  
Miles: SHE IS FIFTEEN  
Bass: SHE ISN'T FIFTEEN AROUND THE MIDDLE  
Miles: SHUSH  
Bass: IT WAS NOT IN A SEXY WAY  
Bass: IT WAS IN A  
Miles: SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY PUPPETS  
Bass: DOESN'T THAT HURT WAY  
Miles: Aaaaand more dancing!  
Bass: And spats  
Bass: Tapdancing  
Jeremy: He's a demon  
Miles: He went blue  
Bass: He has a penis chin  
Bass: WHAT THE  
Miles: ...Oh this is wrong  
Bass: NOT SEXY  
Miles: ...and yet  
Miles: NO  
Miles: SHUSH BRAIN  
Bass: The dancing is kinda cool  
Bass: The face is not  
Jeremy: I like his voice  
Miles: The dancing is HOT  
Miles: The face is... I don't even want to comment  
Jeremy: You are so gay  
Bass: Stop feeling her boobs  
Miles: He is sexy dancing with a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD  
Miles: STOP IT  
Bass: Even if they are too big  
Miles: BRING BACK THE HOT VAMPIRE  
Miles: Creepy puppet things  
Bass: He has a good voice though  
Miles: Combusting is not hot  
Miles: Yeah  
Miles: Tell me about it  
Miles: I  
Miles: STOP IT  
Miles: NO  
Miles: She will be his queen!  
Bass: I don't like that outfit  
Miles: She is fifteen!  
Miles: It wouldn't suit you  
Bass: I don't want to like her though so that's okay  
Miles: Good to know  
Bass: CROTCH MAN CROTCH  
Jeremy: His pants are too loose  
Miles: Yeah  
Miles: It's weird  
Jeremy: SO HE CAN HIGH KICK  
Miles: Aaaand PLOT  
Miles: THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT  
Miles: Training montage!  
Jeremy: IT WILL DO  
Bass: I often lie down til they go away  
Bass: WHAT THE  
Bass: OH GOD  
Bass: I WANT TO BANG HER  
Miles: I don't think that will help, weirdly hot old dude  
Bass: IMAGINE WHAT SHE COULD DO WITH HER THIGHS  
Miles: Imagine her and the redhead  
Bass: WEAPONS  
Miles: OMG  
Jeremy: Meaningful father thing  
Bass: WITH WEAPONS  
Miles: Oh it got emotional again  
Bass: I WANT HIM AS MY CREEPY DAD  
Miles: He is throwing knives at her  
Jeremy: It's love  
Miles: Nothing says I Love You like throwing knives  
Bass: I'd love that  
Bass: Man that voice  
Bass: I'll get some knives then  
Bass: And tiny axes  
Miles: Please do  
Miles: I need a hug  
Miles: I mean  
Miles: ALCOHOL  
Bass: LOOK AT THOSE LEGS  
Miles: I NEED ALCOHOL  
Bass: LESBIAN IS SAD  
Bass: THAT THROAT  
Jeremy: Plot  
Bass: DUET  
Miles: HOLD  
Miles: ME  
Miles: HOLD  
Miles: ME  
Miles: NOW  
Bass: *HOLDS*  
Miles: IS THIS WHAT FEELS ARE?!  
Bass: HOT VAMPIRE  
Miles: Aaaand hot vampire  
Miles: Plot  
Miles: So much plot  
Jeremy: CHILD BRIDE DEALS  
Bass: WHAT OLD MAN  
Miles: Oh he is so British  
Miles: It's hot  
Jeremy: NO MORE MAGIC  
Miles: HE GOT HER BACK  
Miles: YEAH  
Jeremy: And she's worried about their genres  
Miles: Aaaaand it got awkward  
Bass: BUT WHY TURN DOWN HOT VAMPIRE  
Miles: I WOULDN'T  
Bass: PLOT  
Bass: MEANINGFUL  
Bass: MILES  
Bass: FIRE  
Miles: Oh meaningful song time  
Bass: IS THAT YOU  
Miles: SHUSH  
Miles: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THE FIRES  
Bass: SO MANY FEELS  
Miles: That being said...  
Miles: Yeah  
Jeremy: I TOLD YOU  
Miles: ...I need more alcohol  
Miles: Now  
Bass: VAMPIRE  
Miles: Their love  
Miles: It is  
Miles: ...like that, apparently  
Bass: SOMEONE HAS ISSUES  
Miles: SHE IS DRAWN TO THE FIRE  
Miles: I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS  
Miles: LET IT BURN  
Miles: LET IT BURN  
Bass: SO MANY SINGINGS  
Jeremy: WHAT is that shirt  
Miles: That shirt is so special  
Miles: And by 'special'  
Miles: I mean  
Miles: NO  
Miles: NO  
Bass: YEY  
Bass: they all are going  
Miles: WHAT CAN'T WE FACE?!  
Miles: SO MANY FEELS  
Miles: PASS THE ALCOHOL  
Miles: ...oh this speaks to me in so many ways  
Bass: YES FILLER SONGS  
Miles: THIS ISN'T FILLER  
Bass: I CAN'T KEEP UP  
Miles: IT SPEAKS TO MY SOUL  
Miles: I CAN  
Miles: OH FUCK YES  
Miles: DRINK  
Miles: ALL THE DRINKS  
Miles: BURN  
Miles: BURN  
Bass: FIRE ENGINE  
Miles: BURN  
Bass: TO LAYER IT ON  
Miles: BURN  
Jeremy: SO SUBTLE  
Miles: B  
Miles: U  
Miles: R  
Miles: N  
Jeremy: KICK DOOR  
Jeremy: I wouldn't do her  
Jeremy: but I would  
Miles: LEATHER JACKET  
Miles: SHE IS HOT AS FUCK  
Jeremy: Well she'd do me  
Miles: Hellsville  
Miles: I think we were there once  
Miles: Doing the thing  
Bass: Yeah  
Bass: Red suited him better  
Miles: Life is not a miraculous thing  
Miles: But it is a thing  
Miles: And  
Miles: OK  
Bass: Oh let's fix it with  
Bass: SHE IS IN RED  
Bass: Aha  
Miles: More drinking!  
Bass: DO ME  
Bass: OH GOD  
Jeremy: I am sort of turned on too  
Miles: FUCK YES  
Miles: WOW  
Bass: JEM  
Miles: WE FOUND A GIRL JEREMY WANTS!  
Miles: WE BROKE REALITY!  
Jeremy: BACKUP  
Jeremy: ACTUALLY  
Jeremy: I DON'T  
Miles: Ah-ah-ah-ah!  
Jeremy: I WANT HER TO DO OTHER PEOPLE AND I WATCH  
Jeremy: IS THAT OKAY  
Miles: WE ALL NEED SOMETHING TO SING ABOUT!  
Miles: YES  
Bass: Not that kind of backup  
Miles: IT IS OK  
Bass: HAIR  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FUCK  
Miles: FUCK  
Bass: ARE YOU TURNED ON?  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Jeremy: IF YOU DO BUFFY  
Miles: ALL THE TURNED ON  
Jeremy: CAN I WATCH  
Miles: YES  
Bass: YES  
Miles: YOU CAN  
Miles: Aaaaand I sense oncoming plot...  
Miles: AAAAAAAND ANGST  
Miles: Hold me  
Bass: OH NO  
Bass: FEELS  
Miles: Aaaaand you broke it  
Bass: JEREMY  
Miles: FEELS  
Jeremy: Shit  
Miles: ALL THE FEELS  
Miles: LIKE THE HOT DEAD REDHEAD  
Miles: I CAN'T COPE  
Miles: Wow that is one flexible body  
Bass: DANCE  
Miles: DANCE!  
Bass: DANCE  
Bass: NO STOP  
Miles: HOT VAMPIRE  
Bass: HOT VAMPIRE  
Jeremy: CAN THEY SEX  
Miles: YES PLEASE  
Miles: NOW PLEASE  
Bass: YES  
Bass: YES YES  
Bass: OH GOD YES  
Jeremy: LISTEN TO MY FEELS  
Miles: SO MUCH WATCHING  
Jeremy: IN MY VOICE  
Miles: FUCK I WANT HIM  
Bass: SO MUCH SEXING  
Miles: NOW  
Bass: DUDE WE GOT IT  
Bass: YOU ARE DEAD  
Bass: SO SEX  
Miles: Aaaaand CRY  
Miles: CRY NOW  
Bass: OH NO  
Miles: CRY ALL THE CRIES  
Bass: LESBIANS CRYING  
Miles: CRY  
Jeremy: SHIT  
Miles: CRY  
Miles: CRY  
Miles: Also drink  
Bass: YES  
Miles: ALL THE DRINK  
Bass: PLOT  
Bass: WHAT  
Miles: ...oh fuck  
Bass: MAN  
Bass: DUDE  
Jeremy: 'Bride'  
Bass: YEAH  
Bass: WORK OUT OR MAKE OUT  
Miles: DANCES AND SONGS  
Bass: WITH PENIS FACE  
Miles: BE YOUR QUEEN!  
Jeremy: QUEEN AHAHA  
Miles: NO BE HIS QUEEN!  
Bass: HE DOESN'T SWING YOUR WAY  
Miles: HE SHOULD  
Jeremy: COP OUT ENDING  
Miles: YEP  
Miles: BUT STILL  
Miles: ENDED WELL!  
Miles: ONCE MORE WITH FEELING!  
Bass: HIS VOICE THOUGH  
Jeremy: I know  
Bass: Oh burn  
Miles: SEE YOU ALL IN HELL!  
Jeremy: In HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL  
Miles: Aaand sparkles  
Jeremy: *big solo*  
Miles: Gay sparkles  
Bass: Gay sparkles  
Miles: AAAAAAND FEEELS!  
Bass: They are all sad  
Bass: It didn't work  
Miles: Where DO they go from here?  
Jeremy: This season is season sad  
Bass: Sex  
Miles: It is all fucked up!  
Miles: Yes!  
Bass: Season sex  
Miles: That!  
Miles: SOUND OUR VICTORY CHEER!  
Bass: Or a group number  
Miles: I remember that  
Miles: ALL THE PAIRINGS  
Miles: TOUCHING  
Miles: WALK ALONE IN FEAR!  
Bass: HANDHOLDING  
Bass: NO  
Jeremy: SAD  
Miles: WHERE DO THEY GO?  
Bass: HOT VAMPIRE  
Bass: BUGGER ME  
Miles: SO HOT  
Miles: OH  
Bass: WALL SEX  
Miles: OH  
Jeremy: Yea  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Jeremy: I ship them  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: WE ALL DO  
Bass: WALL  
Bass: SEX  
Miles: YES  
Bass: PARADE  
Miles: YES  
Miles: NOW  
Miles: PLEASE  
Miles: YES  
Bass: He has a stupid name  
Miles: YES  
Bass: YES  
Jeremy: SEX  
Miles: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Miles: YES!  
Jeremy: YES YES YES  
Miles: IT'S SO HETEROSEXUAL!  
Bass: PLEASE TELL ME THEY ARE HAPPY NOW  
Bass: ....JEM  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: YES  
Miles: AAAAAND… FEELS


End file.
